We now realize, after posting a couple highlights last week, that it's Park Station Captain Greg Corrales whom we have to thank for the colorful, sometimes midcentury-archaic language he uses to round up the week's arrests and incidents in his newsletter. He enjoys terms like "scofflaw," "flower children," and "rummy," and for this we love him. But this week he shares that he was chastened by some homeless advocates who he says "pointed out to me that hobos ride trains. Point taken." Thus, as of this week, he is vowing to tone down his language a little bit, "within reason." Aw shucks.
There are still some delightful references to "miscreants" and "skulking scoundrels." And you gotta give him credit for trying to keep himself amused while writing week after week about the same damn crimes namely, sleeping in Golden Gate Park, smoking in the park, public intoxication, and petty theft. And we give him big props for dubbing all public urination events "Urinating on America."
This week's highlights:
Thursday, April 25 - 7:57 AM - Baker & Hayes - Fugitive Parolee Brought to Justice
Officers Machado & Marucco observed a scoundrel suspiciously scurrying. Further investigation revealed that he was a fugitive from justice with an active felony warrant out for his arrest for violation of parole for sex crimes.
Friday, April 26 - 10:55 AM - Haight & Shrader - Fugitive from Justice Apprehended
Sgt. Meyer observed a remorseless rogue gulping down quantities of John Barleycorn. Further investigation revealed the rummy to be a fugitive from justice with nineteen active warrants out for his arrest.
12:15 PM Haight & Clayton - Brazen Brassiere Bandit Brouhaha
Beat Officer Andrews located a brazen, bamboozling, brassiere bandit who had attempted to scurry away from the scene of her crime.
Saturday, April 27 - 6:54 AM - Alvord Lake
Officer Machado cited a somnolent scofflaw.
Sunday, April 28 - 4:00 PM Haight & Stanyan - Bellicose Beer Bandit Belatedly Bolts
Officers Serrano & Hastings encountered a beer bandit who attempted to flee, to no avail.
Monday, April 29 - 12:56 PM - Haight & Shrader - Pickled in Public
Beat Officers Parker & Prillinger encountered a tanked transient tippler stumbling & mumbling. Further investigation revealed that the drunken dipso was crocked to the point that he was unable to care for his own safety.
Wednesday May 1 - 9:00 PM - Haight & Buena Vista W. - Battery
A troubadour wannabe reported that he was kicked in the chest while playing his guitar. He adamantly refused to provide any other information regarding the incident.
Previously: Highly Intoxicated 'Nincompoop' Faces Off With Fire Truck in the Upper Haight