Welcome to Corner Store Food Critic, where we select an item typically found at any number of corner stores in San Francisco, bring said item home in a carefully wrapped bag, and then taste it in private. Seeing as how that, in a pinch, many of us eat entire meals bought solely at barely-lit corner markets and liquor stores, we now see it as our duty to examine the crud you shove down your throat during moments of drunken weakness or sheer hunger/laziness. That tin of deviled ham? Hellacious-looking Rockstar derivative? Bizarre Skittles flavor concoction? New Hot Pocket flavor? Those bottles of viscous water with chunks of aloe plant floating inside? We'll cover that and more. In this edition, we're hungry for Kinder Chocolate's creme-filled Happy Hippos. An animal-shaped treat ostensibly aimed at children.
We've been on something of a sweets kick lately, so we couldn't resist when we spotted these adorable cookie-and-chocolate hippopotamuses looking up at us from the corner store shelf with their sugary, slightly-confused looking eyeballs. Kinder, a Italian chocolate company that goes by a German name for whatever reason, is well known for combining milk chocolate, milky sugar creme and children's toys in their Kinder Surprise (a.k.a. "Kinder Eggs"). So, being fans of products aimed at children, we've been familiar with the company for awhile now. Mostly we've just been wondering how long it would take for someone in San Francisco to banish them from the city for enticing little ones to enjoy delicious, tooth-decaying confections.
Getting down to business, the Kinder Hippos are available in two flavors: Cocoa and Hazelnut. In the interest of proper food criticism, we purchased both. In boxes of five individually-wrapped hippos apiece. And we have no shame in admitting we went through all of them in the less than 12 hours.
Actually, we blame our voracious (some might say "hippo-like") appetites on the airy wafer exterior which not only gives the candy it's shape, but also seems designed not to interfere with the lovely creamy filling. And about that filling: in both the hazelnut and cocoa variations, the intended flavor is mixed with a milk-flavored creme. Because children love milk? We can't be sure, but it works even on our sophisticated adult palates. As a bonus there bottom of the hippo body is dipped in similar cocoa or hazelnut frosting and rolled in sprinkles, which you can playfully brush off as they inevitably fall into your lap.
If we're pressed to pick one flavor over the other, we'd have to direct corner store customers to the Cocoa variety. The hazelnut was a bit lighter on flavor and more on the milk side than the cocoa, which still maintains some of the nuttiness and tastes more like Nutella than straight cocoa or milk chocolate. This has something to do with Italians being historically stingy with their chocolate, we're sure.
Pricewise, these little buggers aren't exactly cheap at over five bucks a box - or slightly more than a dollar per hippo - but they are occasionally available for individual purchase if you're not a glutton like us.
We were also delighted to learn these hippos have their own cartoon spokes-potamus who shills for the candies on TV along with a little dog sidekick. They are perhaps best known for singing a cover of The Lion Sleeps Tonight, but here's the pair, named Pat & Stanley, doing Aretha Franklin's "Freedom", obviously:
Delicious.
Previously:
Yorkie Chocolate Bar
Tapatío Doritos
Milano Melts
