In this week's installment our friends at the Tenderloin Geographic Society reveal some proprietary secrets and brief lessons on how you, dear readers, can also engage yourself in their particular line of work.
Some of you may have asked, "How does one get into such a glamorous line of work? Lying on the ground photographing pigeons, stalking marginal details, reading hundred year-old magazines. How exciting!" Meanwhile, some of you wonder what nonsense we're getting at, surely it has been done before and done better. Drinks for the former; for the latter: Hi, Mom!
We'll be leaving town for a few weeks on a fact-finding mission that involves at least three other cities (metropolis-wise, who amongst us is monogamous?). But to the task at hand, let us state our mission: if you live in a city then occupy it with both heart and mind. Find out not what makes the city tick, but what makes it tick for you.
Your assignment: don’t just look at your city, but see it. Have an epiphany and want to try your hand at amateur urban studies and surveillance techniques? Send observations our way via email. We dug what happened during the last go round of participatory arts (but were blown away when you chose the Sit/Lie pigeon over the Rocker), and are eager to see what magic we can make together. For starters, we’re going to equip you with the tools you’ll need to do whatever the hell it is we think we do. We’re all Socialists here, right? Sure is fun whitewashing this fence.
All will be revealed now in our comprehensive guide to the thrilling world of Urbane Studies.
First, obtain a relevant library through whatever means are available. Bookstores are a good method of accomplishing this goal, as are sidewalks; although we'd discourage picking books out of the trash. (We agreed we're socialists, not freegans.)
Once you have acquired a good number of books, stack them impressively upon your desk, creating a fortress-like structure. Can't see you! Oh, there you are. Ideally, some of these tomes will be historic in nature--signed first editions and the like--so you might not want to sully them by actually reading them. Go to the library and utilize their (free) books which happen to make better coasters than your own books, often being covered in a protective layer of plastic. Extra points for those who figure out where to find the SF History Center.
Next, a camera is essential. There will be times when words fail you, when you'll want to show rather than tell. Also you may be hungover and will want to produce something in the manner of a photo essay (see Urbane Studies Volume 21-30, forthcoming). You're not slacking, you're establishing a strong "visual narrative."
Alright, smart guy/lady, you’ve got your book learning and your camera, get walking. What do you see? Are you looking?
You never know where you'll find your quarry, either underfoot or from above.
Next, use your arsenal of wit to make assumptions about your environment. In this instance, you might suggest that the person who purchased this book was so snobbish that even s/he never read it: "Trashy reading, why that's for Angelenos!" But you must recognize this for the most base kind of low-hanging fruit. Know when to be literal and when to play up the fact that this note was edited. Perhaps it was to have read "Lived it, loved it, left it on the sidewalk for you."
Educate, but don't be a crushing bore. When you see something, say something. Ever notice this? Lead your audience into finding out more for themselves.
Lastly, acknowledge that you stand on the shoulders of giants. Those who came before you who sussed out the lackluster details allow you to glean a tenth of interesting off of what is surely the tip of a metaphorical and possibly physical iceberg. A melty, historical iceberg, that will turn into water if you don't remember to shut the freezer door. What were we talking about? Grandiose nonsense?
When you put words together, try to make them make sense. If you can't make sense, establish a mood while trying to cover up where you lost the thread. This is called an "English Degree."
If all else fails, find something that you like/dislike, and continually harp on it until you find enough people who will agree with you. Congratulations! You've formed a community, one cohesive enough that you can engender your own backlash.
Can hardly wait until the hula hate mail pours in.
The Tenderloin Geographic Society is San Francisco's home for colloquial cartography and citizenship services since 2006, and amateur ornithology since 2010. If you've missed any of their weekly contributions to SFist, you can always catch up here. And don't forget to stay tuned for the Tenderloin Report.
