It's time, ladies and gentlesportsmen, to return to the high school rivalry known as the Giants-Dodgers series. Round one in Los Angeles didn't sit well with anyone, so you know you can do better. Highly unlikely that we'll get any of you to kit yourselves out in orange cravats, summer-weight dove grey wool and Derby sundresses--we'd like to look every inch the aesthetes that people say we are--so let's at least act as though we're Upper Crust. For your consideration, we present some trivial suggestions as to how you might comport yourself in the presence of those who bleed blue.
DO enjoy the good-natured ribbing of our neighbors to the south. We give them ever such a hard time, but they don't know why we hate them so. Come to think of it, we don't know why, either (right, that N.Y. Vs. Brooklyn thing, but that was ages ago).
DON'T throw projectiles, shout obscenities, or overtly antagonize. No one likes a poor sport. Besides, they receive the same treatment everyday on their freeways.
DO engage your blue-capped brethren in conversation. Do they live in Los Angeles? Are they in The Industry? How are they liking the Wharf and Union Square?
DON'T discuss the superiority of San Francisco, especially given that this very morning you complained about Muni, how your landlord is increasing your rent, and that you haven't had a raise in two years. This is an excellent strategy, however, for dissuading visitors to move here.
DO buy your Dodgers neighbors a beer. Mention that you never have to worry about DUIs because you don't own a car. Follow them to the parking lot and ask them for a ride home, as that train ride will be predictably miserable.
DON'T blame Angelenos for the Transformers franchise, for bad sitcoms, for a kind of monoculture that leaks out of that varied city like a kind of radiant terribleness. There's a lot to like about Los Angeles--that can be experienced in no more than 3-day increments, since silly you doesn't remember how to drive and you either have to walk or take the Metro everywhere.
DO discuss food. That's a completely non-polarizing and safe topic, right?
DON'T get upset if they call your town "Frisco," or worse, "San Fran." Be sure to explain to them that the reason everyone calls Los Angeles L.A. is because no one could figure out how to correctly pronounce the name of their town (true story).
DO painstakingly explain the fascinating linked histories of our two cities, from Spanish Mission days to statehood and beyond. Edify, don't terrify. Half an hour into water rights and the Central Valley usually leaves our victims glassy-eyed enough that they succumb to our bidding.
The Tenderloin Geographic Society is San Francisco's home for colloquial cartography and citizenship services since 2006. Every week, they bring a refreshing new perspective on the minutiae of San Francisco life. If you've missed any, we recommend you catch up here, and as always: stay tuned for the Tenderloin Report.