Number of people pictured in this week's Miss Bigelow's Social City: 83

Minority count: 2 (Yurie Pascarella, David Chung)

Getty vs Traina: 4/4 (It's a tie!)

Who was celebrating what: Dede Wilsey's sanity-shattering Gone With the Wind-cum-Goth dress. Oh, and Saturday night at the de Young Museum for the opening-night gala of the Balenciaga and Spain exhibition, curated by Vogue European Editor-at-Large Hamish Bowles and Fine Arts Museums' curator Jill D'Alessandro.

Number of people whom we recognize: 18 (Anna Wintour, Gwenyth Paltrow, Lt. Governor Gavin Newsom, Jennifer Siebel-Newsom, Vanessa Getty, Billy Getty, Balthazar Getty, Connie Neilsen, Former Secretary of State George Shultz, Charlotte Shultz, Alexis Traina, the highly fuckable Trevor Traina, Vanessa Carlton, Maggie Rizer, Maria Bello, Denise Hale, Marissa Mayer, and Stanlee Gatti)

Images of "¡Ole!"-inspiring Vanessa Getty: 2

Images that need more "¡Ole!"-inspiring Vanessa Getty: 37

The scene: SF Society blowhards pretending they're just as famous and/or important as Anna Wintour and Gwyneth Paltrow. Also: European fashion.

Number of people who should actually be contestants on Rock of Love Bus With Bret Michaels: 2, Juicy Couture founders Gela Nash-Taylor and Pamela Skaist-Levy

Chivalrous acts committed by an elf: 1, Legolas Greenleaf (aka Orlando Bloom) for swooping his model wife Miranda Kerr into his arms to carry her across the rain-soaked grass and into their waiting limo.

Visibly homosexual: 11 (double count for Hamish Bowles)

Ties, bow ties, furs: 4, 25, 1

Number of times SFist Editor viewed The September Issue in awe of Anna Wintour's decisiveness and instincts: 9

Circle of Hell where Anna Wintour will spend eternity for the resurgence of animal fur: 7th

Number of attendees who thought they were at a bullfighting-themed Halloween party: 3 (Alexis Traina, archenemy Allison Speer, Jennifer Raiser)

Number of times jaw dropped after bearing witness to Dede Wilsey's Oscar de la Renta Gone with the Wind costume: 8

Number of pink-yellow capes: 1, as worn by Vogue European Editor-at-Large Hamish Bowles

Best dressed: Jennifer Raiser (We want to go shopping/get drunk with this woman based on her outfit alone.)

Worst dressed: Dede Wilsey (Frankly my dear, she didn't give a damn.)

What: Sloan Barnett