Number of people pictured in this week's Miss Bigelow's Social City: 69

Minority count: 8

Getty vs Traina: 0 to 0

Who was celebrating what: CalShakes' "One Great Party" fundraiser at the Four Seasons, which "netted $475K for the theater's onstage and new works/new communities programming."

Number of people whom we recognize: 4 (Willie Brown, Sonya Molodetskaya, Robert Mailer Anderson, Carole Shorenstein Hays)

Shots of the scene-stealing Vanessa Getty: 0

Shots that need more images of the scene-stealing Vanessa Getty: 29

DOB of celebrated playwright William Shakespeare: 1564

Interest level on a scale from 1-10 in seeing the plays of Shakespeare: 2

Interest level on a scale from 1-10 in seeing the plays of Shakespeare set to the music of Stephen Sondheim and Leonard Bernstein: 10

The scene: High school drama club all grown up

Visibly homosexual: ∞

Ties, bow ties, furs: 34, 4, 0

Hanger straps hanging out of dress: 1, Philippa Kelly

Pair of eyes that pierce our engorged genitalia ever so slightly: 1, Robert Mailer Anderson

M4M action: P.J. Johnston and Mayoral Chief of Staff Steve Kawa's spouse, Dan Henkle

Number of men that look exactly like Vincent Price: 1 , HarveyGlasser