By Laura Beck

The No Cheese Pizza at Atlas Cafe (3049 20th Street)

What could sound more unappetizing than a No Cheese Pizza? Perhaps a Shit Sundae? Or a, Colostomy-Bag Omelet? Anyway, it sounds terrible but it’s extremely tasty. Delicious doughy dough topped with sweet yams, blackened tofu, baked beets, and portobello mushrooms; it’s a winner. It’s so good that we’ll even endure Blue Grass night* to get it. If you’re unemployed and depressed because nobody loves you, head here to get the No Cheese Pizza and read one of their free fashion magazines so you can also be depressed about your disgusting fat body. We’re really selling it, right?

Roasted Potato, Garlic, and Daiya Vegan Cheese Pizza from Escape from New York Pizza (multiple locations)