Aside from publishing what history will look back on as the single most misguided and thoughtless arts & entertainment article ever written, we almost always respect Slate. So when they post a piece called "Why Steve Jobs Won't Return to Apple, we listen.

After the Apple CEO announced another mysterious medial leave of absence on Monday, the company's shares dropped and rumors swirled. Here's just part of Slate's abandonment theory:

Since returning to Apple in 1996, Jobs has pushed the company to achieve one of his long-held goals—to turn computers into mainstream appliances as ubiquitous and easy-to-use as televisions, toasters, and food processors. He has been stunningly successful in achieving that vision. And now he's probably done. The tech world, today, looks more or less exactly like what Steve Jobs has always said the tech world should look like, and Apple is one of the most valuable companies in that universe. What more is there left for Jobs to do?

So, yeah, what more is there left for Jobs to do? Aside from making his followers swoon at Moscone Center a couple times a year.