ART: What in God's name is this magnificent shit right here? Good grief, it is beautiful and chocolatey. What is it? Hell if we know. Allow SF Weekly's Hiya Swanhuyser to explain: "[A]t 'Chocolate Fountain,' among the sculpture and drawings is a Duchampian version of the title contraption -- it sits on a walker and offers you tissues for your tears of joy, and the dog-ball-throwy things are arranged so as to make you want to pull the whole thing over. We have no idea what the tire swing is doing in there." Neither do we. But, boy, do we love a chocolate fountain mixed in with sanity-estranged art. Anyway, "Chocolate Fountain" runs from daily from today, December 15 until Saturday, January 8.

7 p.m. // Unspeakable Projects, 735 Tehama (at Eighth Street) // free

FILM: Loony French music and story set to animation wins Academy Award for best animated feature. Go figure. Go watch it.

7:15, 9:15 // Red Vic, 1727 Haight (at Stanyan) // $9

THEATER: If you're like us and enjoy the occasional strip club, but hate the audience's masculine aggressivity, please head directly over to Divas. Tonight, the uncleverly-named "Naughty School Girls," [NSFW] featuring transgender strippers, put on a show baring all sorts of naughty, fleshy bits on stage. And then some. (Note: This isn't your mother's pretentious burlesque show filled with plus-size intelligentsia; this is the real deal, so to speak. Brace yourselves.)

10:30 p.m. // Divas, 1081 Post (at Polk)