by Laura Beck

1. Cinnamon Rolls at Cinnaholic

Okay, just wrap your heads around this: a shop where you can design your own cinnamon rolls, with flavors like butterscotch and pumpkin spice, and toppings like fresh strawberries and marshmallows. Now, imagine that this shiz is all cholesterol free and tastes as if made by the hands of angels. Well, friends, this is a dream no longer. Cinnaholic, a gourmet cinnamon roll shop opening in Berkeley this Saturday, July 18th, is FOR REAL. We've tasted the goods and let us tell you, our asses haven't been the same since. And by haven't been the same, we mean have grown exponentially larger and hotter. Admit it, you like big butts and you cannot lie. And if you don't, you're lame and have a small penis (or bizarrely shaped clitoris!) and you cannot lie. Sorry, we promised never to engage in body shaming but people who don't like big butts are just straight weird!

2. A veggie dog at AT&T Park

AT&T Park was recently named the 2nd most veg-friendly ballpark in the country by PETA, and so we had to check it out. To be honest, the veggie dog isn't anything special, it's just you know, a hot dog. Honestly, veggie dogs taste just like regular hot dogs because they all just taste like nitrates and salt. At least the veggie ones aren't brimming with pig anus? That's a plus. What we like to do is buy the garlic fries and then pour the entire bag onto the hot dog and try to eat in three bites. Make sure to massage your jaw first and be within 10 feet of a bathroom (learned that from Kobayashi!). You probably don't want to bring along anyone you're sleeping with/desire to sleep with because the garlic combined with your gross display of gluttony isn't the sexiest thing we've ever seen you do. Oh, and the game wasn't so bad either. We won. Or lost. One of those!