Newsom's Insipid Soda Ban Won't Ban Fat

Sure, soda is unhealthy (except for Diet Coke, which gives life with each sip), but we here in the U.S of A have something called freedom of choice. But, don't tell that to Gavin Newsom (famous for his own, to put it delicately, possibly unhealthy control issues with food) who ordered a silly ban on all soda machines on city property from selling Squirt, Coke and other sugary drinks. (The only logical ban, of course, would be a ruling in favor of a Diet Pepsi genocide. Wait, do you drink Diet Pepsi? If so, where did you go wrong in life, you diseased human being?) While seemingly healthy, SF Weekly points out that a pop-ban won't help one's pin-thin aspirations. "It's not really helping with obesity," explains U.C. San Francisco critical care nutritionist Irma Ishkanian.