Former pop star Kanye West, that (racist?) Senator who called Obama a fibber, the oddly schadenfreude-free sight of a bruised Tila Tequila, murder-suicides in the Bay Area, Serena Williams, the staff at SFist headquarters -- why has everyone gone mad? Well, according to Phil Bronstein, the stars might have something to do with it. Today, the SFGate scribe posts an astrological cautionary tale and explanation behind all celebrity meltdowns of late. That is to say, the current Mercury retrograde is to blame. For everything. (Seriously, watch that Mercury retrograde. Scary stuff.) He cites Susan Miller's AstrologyZone, who tell us that for the next couple of weeks, we are, more or less, fucked. Bronstein advises, "And in case you're unemployed, fundraising for struggling non-profits, looking to budge entitled and entrenched health care/new financial bubble chicanery, or think you have the most clever idea for saving journalism, just hold on. 'Don't ask for favors, present ideas or launch new projects this month.'" But have no fear -- just kidding -- the retrograde will end on September 29. Until then, we find slow, gentle rocking movement prove the most soothing while curled up in the fetal position.