by Ted Weinstein

Warning! Ending soon: the chance to have some of the world's most delightfully smooth, luxurious orbs to pop into your mouth (both large and small, depending on your own predilections). No, the Bush Administration hasn't returned to try to outlaw sex; legendary chocolatier Joseph Schmidt's 16th Street store is closing forever at the end of the month. Those evil purveyors of allegedly-edible brown plastic, Hershey's, bought Joseph Schmidt (as well as that other local chocolate fave, Scharffenberger) a while back, and despite all the usual noises about not making any changes, surprise surprise, they are closing the local operations of both.

So just until the 30th, Joseph Schmidt is selling off the last of their exquisite treats at discounts of, get this, 50% and 60%! We already broke the piggy bank and just spent our last nickels, dimes and quarters stocking up, so now it's safe to let you know, too. But hurry -- we may just sell our souls to the devil to raise a few pennies more. Mmmmm, truffles...