Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 67.
Total number of people pictured whom we recognize: 4 (including Molly Sims and her BFF Jennifer Siebel.)
Minority count: 4 (5.8%).
Getty v. Traina: 1-0 (counting Gavin's sister as a Getty)
Number of countries visited by Denise Hale to celebrate her April birthday: 3 (India, Serbia, Italy).
The age of children being compared to "a natural phenomenon where a river comes in and turns back upon itself": 16 and 17.
Number of Gavin sightings: 0.
Number of Stanlee Gatti sightings: 0.
Number of Charlotte Maillard Shultz sightings: 0.