Oh, what's become of our good old-fashioned hard-hearted conservative Republicans? What's next, long hair? Berets? Drapes and doilies? Irish cuisine?

The Davis College Republicans are sponsoring some sort of symbolic art-game today (Tuesday) at 12:30 out on the quad, wherever the hell that is. They're calling it "Illegal Immigration Capture the Flag," and here's the ingenious twist that'll earn 'em an A in their semiotics seminar: "Illegal Immigrants team will vastly outnumber the INS team, and every 10 minutes the Illegals caught will be granted amnesty and set free."

Overlook the imperfections of the metaphor (it's not like INS races across the border to claim Mexican flags), and it's actually kind of a funny joke, in the "tell it privately amongst close friends who'll know you're just kidding around" sort of way. It is also astronomically lame that they are making such a big show of it, in an Adam Felberian "hey look at me I'm pretending to laugh at a mildly amusing joke REALLY REALLY LOUD so everyone in earshot knows that I got it" sort of way.

All this would be a perfect opportunity for the Davis community to focus their rolling scornful gaze upon the DCRs. The only way they could possibly avoid looking like boring, embarrassing chumps is if some even MORE humorless organization decides to sniff and whine and moan. Oh, wait:

"Dear Chicana/o Latino/a Students," begins the email, "How ironic that they have chosen to play this 'game' during La Raza Cultural Days and on May 1st, the day of the worker and of the Immigrant. MEChA and many many other student organizations that feel this is a horrible mockery of everything that immigrants have done for this country, will be holding a peaceful counter- protest to show that what they think is 'funny' is totally unacceptable. On behalf of MEChA, I invite you to join us in solidarity. Gracias."

Oh dear. MEChA, we don't know who you are exactly, but let's assume for now that you are a group of collegiate Gundams. Please oh please oh please do not squander your giant robotic talons by frownishly protesting these Republican fruitcakes. No no -- instead, you must join in their game. Play along. Have a good time. And then, just when everyone's actually getting into the fun and enjoying the camaraderie: walk away, leaving behind a game that is so top-heavy that it cannot possibly survive the loss of your services.

Performance art?!?!