The show starts with a cheap faux-emo cover of that "If You're Going to SF" song. We don't know who's responsible for this unbearable version of the song (Update! it was Me First & the Gimme Gimmes, who we understand are HUGE fans of mainstream pop.), but we do know that the only thing worse than being emo is getting paid to fake it. Anyway the first singer thinks that she'll wow the judges by singing opera. Has she never seen the show? Does she know what "America" and "idol" mean? Paula: "I totally appreciated that." Oh THANK you, your Abdulship. Paula adds that it sounded like the girl was yelling. Then she says yes. Ergo, Paula hearts yelling.

After the jump: probably nothing as funny as what Jacob will have to say.