According to the terrifyingly brief article, a mystery substance is spreading over the water between Angel Island and Aquatic Park, and is presently a mile and a half long and 100 yards wide.

We've seen enough sci-fi and horror movies to know that this how the end begins, so we're considering grabbing the pets and heading to the fallout shelter before It Rises From The Depths.

We guess we'll hold off until the Coast Guard figures out what it is, though by then it will probably be far, far too late Where are the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles when you need them?