Because there's so much going on with Herr Governator, we thought we'd need to turn it into a weekly feature. Yay?

First last week's big story about the mistress and payment and the hush money that we were totally saving for the inevitable press circus that never came. Guess that's what happens when somebody isn't killed or doesn't disappear in a Caribbean country.

-It was reported last week by the L.A. Times that before the 2003 recall election, the publishers of the National Enquirer, American Media Inc., paid an alleged mistress of Herr Governator $20,000 to NOT tell anyone about their affair. That's right, the Enquirer paid somebody to not spill the beans on a salacious affair that started when the woman, Gigi Goyette, was sixteen. They also paid one of her friends $1,000 to also be quiet. Coincidentally, a week later, AMI gave Arnie a job as editor with their fitness magazines, the ones he had to recently give up when it turned out he was still making money as an editor for them. The very same job he had to quit recently. Somewhere out in Hollywood, Brad, Angelina, Jen, Tom, Katie, and Lindsay are furiously working on their resumes in an attempt to get jobs with AMI. Oh, AMI also donated $250,000 to the non-profit group California Governor's Council on Physical Fitness and nobody reported it. All of this falls makes you get all nostalgic for the C & C Music Factory and their song "Things That Make you Go Hmmm"

As for the relationship, it supposedly started in 1975 when Gigi was a mere lass of sixteen. It ended somewhat later but supposedly picked up later again in 1989 when Arnie was married to Skeletor Maria. Gigi termed the relationship as merely them having "outercourse" which she claims meant, "whatever we wanted it to be" and merely involved a lot of "massages." Somewhere in Chappaqua New York, an ex-President is wondering why he didn't think of that.

-Hey, need a job? Go work for the Governor! Apparently, it's a sure fire way to get a super high-paying gig as a lobbyists for natural gas companies.