You know.... why we have a top 40 radio station?? Ever since the death of the beloved Z 95.7 (for a classic rock format, which was then later changed to country), there's no place in San Francisco to tune in for those naggingly-catchy Kelly Clarkson and Ashleeeeee (so many e's!) Simpson tracks. (There's a top 40 station in Fremont and in Santa Rosa, but we can't get them in SF proper). How are we supposed to participate in pop culture if we can't even hear that abysmal new Britney Spears strip-joint song? We try to keep up by watching MTV Hits, but -- man, those kids on TRL are annoying.

Sure, we can hear the slower mainstream pop tunes on Yawn 101.3 and we can catch the crunky on our Clear Channel hip-hop affiliates -- but part of what we like about top 40 radio is the cross-genre mixing! We like hearing the new Mariah next to the new Eminem next to the J.Lo next to the Ciara! And while we can download what we like on iTunes or Musicmatch, we're certainly never going to spend even 99 cents on schlock like Ryan Cabrera or Jesse McCartney, so we'll realistically never really listen to them anymore -- and thus we can't even be as fully contemptuous of them as we might be if we sort of absorbed them while stuck at a red light or finishing up that last 3 minutes on the Bowflex machine. We're being hampered in our snark!

So someone, please -- like Ms. Spears-Federline says -- Do Somethin'! (na na na na na na, na na na na NA na na na, do somethin'.)

don't