Since some of you may not be as thoroughly addicted to gossip as SFist is, we would like to present to you a primer on how to interpret Leah Garchik's column. You see, gossip columnists can only really bad things about celebrities, since there are all those pesky libel laws. What's great about that is that we can then guess at what they are implying and be free from liability. We hope.

After the jump, our thoughts on what Leah Garchik was really trying to get across in her writeup of Paris Hilton's recent San Francisco appearance. And yes, we pretty much stole this idea from Wonkette. Sue us. We need the publicity.

Photo from Mister SF.