Some of you aren't happy with San Francisco. You're the type who grew up here, maybe, or came here for college from some small town, and now you feel that you're getting a little to big for EssEff's britches. After all, you're William Faulkner, Joe Eszterhaus and Noam Chomsky all rolled into one, incredible author, and the only places that will really appreciate your inimitable talents are real big cities like New York and LA.

One way to get there is by enrolling in writing courses where you can network with other students and maybe catch the eye of a teacher who's been, like, published and stuff. Zoetrope's All-Story has recently added screenwriting workshops to their writing seminars put on by the Gotham Writers' Workshop -- and they're on the web, no less, so you can do your homework whilst chugging Sofia champagne-in-a-can. We assume that with the astute guidance of their professors you will be writing screenplays more like The Godfather, and less like The Godfather III.

We have a feeling that the $395 fee for the ten week course will probably end up getting you published on Query Letters I Love, at least. Save yourself the money and go pick up Joseph Campbell. It worked for George Lucas.