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Official Hug a Jew Day is Coming

Brock Keeling — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 15:36:11 GMT

In honor of Jewish Christmas -- which is today, right? or ended yesterday? or maybe in a couple of weeks? who's to say?! -- we feel pressed to remind you that February 2, 2009, is Official Hug a Jew Day.

This could be the single most awesome holiday ever invented. And the rules are so simple:

Every Jew that you see you must address with a hug
This is an event for everybody around the world, Jews and non-Jews to hug Jews
Some religious Jewish people, it seems, can not touch the other sex, so be careful: If you have the slightest doubt, you may want to ask them before you hug them
Jew, in this event, "includes any sect or part of Jewishness" (i.e., half, quarter, traditional, conservative, reform, orthodox, chareide, chabad, executive producer, agent, general practitioner -- ALL JEWS INCLUDED)

So start chipping away at your goy iciness, and get ready to wrap you arms around the warmest, fuzziest, cuddliest Jew you know. Hell, even George W. Bush is getting in on the action.

Oh No, Ed Jew!: Picked On, Set Up

rita — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 12:41:58 GMT

Well, at least he can officially turn off his cable and utilities in that San Francisco house now -- Ed Jew, complaining about being "picked on" and "set up," finally admitted what all of us knew all along and pled guilty to lying about living in Burlingame while representing the Sunset on the SF Board of Supervisors.

The terms of the deal that Ed worked out with the DA are that he'll probably serve a sentence concurrent to the more serious charges of graft that he also pled guilty to in federal court (probably around two to five years, but with a max of 30). Wow, at this rate, Ed can run for senate in Alaska now!

And, because the details in this case always just get better and better, the officials also revealed that when they raided the Burlingame house for evidence in the graft case (which triggered this whole thing), they found $10,000 wrapped in tin foil in his freezer. Stylin'!

YouTube clip of a Ed Jew supporter singing Borderline with Ed Jew-centric lyrics at a Board of Supes meeting. Definitely one of the finest moments in the Oh No, Ed Jew! story.

Oh No, Ed Jew!: Ready, Set, Go

Brock Keeling — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 08:45:31 GMT

Al last! Battered and bruised but still standing former San Francisco Supervisor Ed Jew will have his day in court. But, like, for reals this time. On November 10, Jew will head to federal court to battle "two counts of bribery, two counts of mail fraud and one count of extortion" for trying to bully San Francisco Quickly owners out of $84,000 in exchange for city permits. What's more, the trial is expected to last a whopping three weeks. Ah, delicious, savory fodder. Stay tuned.