Can you hear them? Shhhh. Hear that? They're coming. No, they're coming. Damn tourists. And there's nowhere to hide. Quick review SFist's "How To Walk On The Sidewalk Like A Reasonable Human Being," and then chide them for doing it wrong. It's the only way you will retain your sanity on the impending weekend in which everything is happening. Next up? The Columbus Day Parade and Anti-Colonial protests.

In fourteen hundred ninety-two, Columbus sailed the ocean blue... followed by unspeakable atrocities. North Beach will honor such a controversial figure in the 144th annual, ahem, Italian Heritage Day Parade. Highlights include dozens of parade floats boasting Bay Area businesses, community groups, and Italian organizations; local high school Italian clubs, marching bands; and "special appearances by 'Christopher Columbus' and Queen Isabella and Her Court; festive open-air dining and Italian wine and food specials at North Beach restaurants lining the Parade route; performances by a variety of traditional Italian musicians and performance artists; and special appearances by Bay Area and Italian-American celebrities."

It all goes down Sunday, October 7, at the foot of Jefferson and Stockton Streets in Fisherman's Wharf, proceeds south through North Beach on Columbus Avenue, and ends in Washington Square. Starts at noon-ish.

Also, protests. On Saturday and Sunday, "anti-colonial, anti-capitalist" actions will vie for attention. Here's the breakdown of these politically-charged brouhahas:

- Saturday Oct 6: Anti-Colonial Anti-Capitlaist March. Unleash our resistance in the heart of capitalism on the West Coast! (rally at Justin Herman Plaza in SF at 2pm, march at 3pm sharp)

- Sunday Oct 7: Anti-Imperialist Anti-Colonial Anti-Capitalist March on the 11th Anniversary of the War and Occupation of Afghanistan (rally at Oscar Grant Plaza in Oakland at 6pm, march at 7pm)

- Also on Sunday: Call for autonomous creative disruptions of the San Francisco Columbus Day Parade

Sounds... fun?

Previously: Everything's Happening This Weekend: 49ers vs. Giants
Everything's Happening This Weekend: Hardly Strictly Castro Cup
Everything's Happening This Weekend: Fleet Week, Food Trucks