Kylie Jenner has her own TV show now, it premiered over the weekend, and I'll cut to the chase and just say it's the most cynical, vapid, depressing piece of reality television garbage to launch from the loins of Kris Jenner since she put her entire family on display on E! ten years ago and declared the Kardashians a "brand." It's called Life of Kylie, and for all the fan-kids out there who will never know this, that is a play on the phrase "the life of Riley," and idiom of unclear origin that means "living the easy life" and was also the name of a 1940s TV show. And yes, it appears that Kylie Jenner has had a pretty blessed and easy life, but the producers here want drama and conflict, so we're going to have to be convinced that she's at least a little bit tortured and unhappy.

We knew via social media back in April that Jenner had dropped in on a Sacramento area high school prom back in April, caused a frenzy, and then quickly fled back to Los Angeles, and it was rumored to have been some kind of stunt for her upcoming reality show. Now we see that show in all it's edited glory, with the trip to prom forming the two-part pilot — Kylie is 19, you see, and was home-schooled, and she's a big important model and makeup mogul, so she never got to go to prom in real life. The producers, masquerading as her best friend Jordyn Woods, find a deserving teen boy named Albert Ochoa on social media who's possibly being "bullied" at his school for not having a date to prom — though the bullying isn't too evident, and he appears to be a very attractive and confident young man. Kylie screams "I love his story!" and with the help of Ochoa's mother, the surprise blind date is arranged, and Jenner and Woods fly to Sacramento, entourage and all — we're introduced to Kylie's hairstylist, personal assistant, and makeup artists in the first few minutes, basically because these are her other three "friends."

At 19, Kylie appears to have had the plastic surgery and lip-collagen injections befitting a much older woman, but that may be par for the course for a certain class of teenager in SoCal, so maybe I shouldn't judge. It pains me, though, that such a plastic version of beauty overlaid on an already beautiful young woman is now some kind of standard. Jordyn, at least, serves a more "natural" foil to Kylie for the purposes of the show — she's also a model, but she's a plus-sized model, and doesn't appear to have done anything to her face.

The first episode of Life of Kylie opens with her explaining that even though she's only 19, she's already experiences the wild ups and downs and stresses and tragedies of a much older person, so she believes she'll be able to focus on the "more important" things in life as she enters her 20s.

First, one would think, love would be high on the list, but that's not really what gets talked about on this show. Sure, she thinks Albert is cute, but maybe you won't be shocked to learn that there is absolutely nothing romantic about her trip to prom in Sacramento. They walk in, teens screech, cellphones are raised, Kylie and entourage are overwhelmed, they ask where they can find a cordoned off corner to hide, and they're ushered to an elevator and up to a balcony where they then wave down to the screaming crowd like royals.

Albert gets his photo taken with this two dates — Jordyn on one side, Kylie on the other — they maybe had time for a dance though there isn't much footage of that, and then in perhaps the only genuine moment of pathos in the two-part episode, Kylie and krew surprise her gay hairstylist Tokyo by flying his boyfriend in so he can have his first "prom" too.

Before you know it, the whole gang is hurrying the hell out of Sacramento and leaving Albert sadly waving, by himself, in some service hallway in the hotel where this prom was taking place.

And the entire experience brings up something that I feel increasingly uncomfortable with among my own friends on social media: the idea of lived experience as reduced to a couple of Instagram photo ops. "Photos or it didn't happen" is the cliché joke, but Kylie Jenner is coming of age in a generation of (largely depressed) teens who don't draw any lines between their social media existence and their actual, offline existence. Maybe Kylie thinks, having grown up with the Kardashians, that there is no such thing as offline existence, or that there shouldn't be. She acknowledges something painful during this first episode revealing that she had to unfollow all her former school friends on social media when she got famous and started having to live the Kardashian life — all because she felt too left out of the fun they were having while she was getting homeschooled and going on gigs. Maybe by the end of this series we'll see her castigating her mother for not letting her have a childhood, but for now what we get is a portrait of a pretty, fairly uneducated, reluctant public figure who nonetheless feels an hourly obligation to "keep up with my Snaps and my Instagram" lest her fans think she doesn't love them.

For his part, Ochoa told E! News that Kylie's "a really sweet and genuine person,” adding, "When you see her on shows and stuff you really don't get to see that like face to face. And I really thought she was sweet and genuine."

I'm not saying she's a monster, and she did a nice thing for this kid, but in the end he was just a prop for another Insta.

And why is she famous again?

Previously: Kylie Jenner Showed Up At A Sacramento High School Prom To Be One Lucky Kid's Date