We won't get to see the total solar eclipse here in the Bay Area, but it will be visible through a swath of northern Oregon, and at least one local man wants to use this event to its fullest cosmic advantage: He wants to have sex with a woman and conceive a child at the moment of the eclipse. In Oregon.
In a post to Craigslist (obviously), the 40-year-old Martinez man insists, with no awareness of how racist it sounds, that he's a "caucasian male from Europe" and his "heritage is strong and pure." Also, "My looks, instincts, knowledge and strength is 100% pure and 100% lethal."
Lethal, huh? Anyway, he's looking for a "worthy female with strong genes, beauty and smarts" to join him in experiencing "the totality" with "simultaneous orgasms." Also, he has a grand idea, perhaps one that came to him while not exactly sober that "we will conceive a child that will be on the next level of human evolution."
And it gets grosser! "We will make love together, with me and my penis directed towards the sun. Everything will be aligned in the local universe. Both of our cosmic orgasmic energy will be aligned with the planets. In a brief moment of ecstasy, we will understand everything, and together, create a new universe. Full of love..."
But here's the funniest part: "You must like cats. Drugs are OK. Nitrous Oxide while we climax and experience totality and conception, is OK with me."
So I guess the cat will be along for the ride in whatever disgusting RV this guy has for making this trip?
As The Oregonian points out, after chuckling about this ad, conception doesn't happen right at the moment of orgasm, and can actually take anywhere from a few hours to five days after sex to occur. So it's a nice dream, but not exactly one that's scientifically possible, this eclipse baby.
Now you can go back to calming down your astrologically inclined friends who think the eclipse is going to cause a nuclear war or whatever.