I'd like to think this is a joke, one of the many fake ads that people post to Craigslist just to amuse themselves and others. But, sadly, I do believe it's real.

I've been told you're not supposed to say a gender preference when advertising a free room, but this bro is very clear in his headline: "Male Only: Centrally Located North Beach Furnished Room For a Player."

Yes, only players with penises need apply. Because this bro just had his best bro living with him, and, he says,"we had good times." The ad has a tinge of actual sadness to it because this guy's main bro had to move away, and he sounds legit lonely now as he's turning to Craigslist for his next live-in bromance.

But the Apartment Sadness comes in the specifics, as it so often does. First off, the ad's been up for quite a while and apparently there hasn't been a good fit — it says the place was available as of May 15. So this guy has been without a bro for over three months! Sadface.

The available date has been updated now to say September 30, so maybe actually someone did move in but didn't turn out to be the best wingman possible?

There's an uncomfortable phrase in the opening paragraph that says, "I would like to re-create that environment: where for fun we would wander to local North Beach places a couple nights a week -- whether it be pizza joints, dives or clubs, day or night, meet women and invite them upstairs for informal parties* and see where that took us : )"

No homo? Or were there four-ways? Just asking.

Also, that asterisk next to "parties"? Yeah, dudebro explains that, in fact, he is not a partyer, per se. A player, yes. But he's "goal oriented" and he doesn't "drink (or use) much because I like to have fun naturally and not let emotions and circumstances get out of hand." What the fuck kind of bromance is this going to be without any booze or cocaine?

Then there's this caveat: "If you have a 'very busy life and career is your main focus right now' (Though I'm quite aware these are many people's priorities -- and for good reason)
that will NOT align well with the personality of the house." So, you're not going to be drinking or partying a lot, but you also can't be too career-oriented either? I'm really missing something here.

I start to get the feeling that his best brosef who moved away was not, in fact, as close a friend as he thought he was, and maybe he even ran away screaming from this living situation because this dude was way too needy and clingy and wanted to hang, like, every night of the week to the point where it got awkward.

But! This is not just a bro pad. There's a third roommate, and she's female. "In the third room there's a very quiet, clean, intelligent, considerate female student roommate residing." What must she have thought of these "informal parties"?

My bet is there were very few of these sexy fourways happening, and this bro is actually kind of a handful.

But hey! Only $850 a month for a furnished room at Grant and Filbert, in the heart of North Beach?! A total steal, bro! You should totes snag it, bro.

All previous editions of Apartment Sadness.