In an apparent effort to clear the names of their supposed victims, the supposed abductors who supposedly kidnapped 29-year-old Denise Huksins last Monday morning have written multiple emails attempting to prove that their story is real. Even though they could be off evading justice since authorities don't believe they exist, the kidnappers keep writing emails to the Chronicle from dummy email accounts in order to prove that they're real, going so far as to suggest that they are "sort of Ocean's Eleven, gentlemen criminals."

The latest emails are being used by the attorney for Huskins' boyfriend Aaron Quinn, Daniel Russo, to prove that his client was a victim and not one of the perpetrators of this seemingly fake kidnapping. Meanwhile, FBI and local authorities are continuing to investigate but are likely, at this point, gathering evidence for possible charges against Huskins and Quinn — not the least of which because both of them lawyered up so quickly.

Per the Chron, they received a 9,000-word email on Saturday from the "kidnappers," who claimed that they had been running "an elaborate car-theft operation on Mare Island for months and had burglarized several homes, taking car keys and personal information stored on home computers." Also, being educated, "gentlemen criminals" with a only Hollywood movies to model themselves after, they say the kidnapping for a paltry ransom came up because they "did not want to stay thieves or criminals forever. What we really wanted was to complete one or two big jobs and then to do whatever we felt like for the rest of our lives."

This raises two immediate questions that obviously the FBI is asking too: 1) "big job?", and 2) if you're such savvy professionals, why would you be stealing cars and personal data on Mare Island in Vallejo when you've got your pick of any one of a dozen far wealthier zip codes within a 20-minute drive of there?

Oh, but they do offer an explanation for the bizarre amount of $8,500: "We chose $8,500 because it was below the $10,000 [federal] reporting threshold, and far enough below that it likely would not be flagged as part of a structured transaction under that prong of the reporting law.” Of course! Why didn't we think of that. So brilliant!! Also, they stormed the home with squirt guns that had laser pointers attached.

They say that they decided to drop Denise off safe and sound at her family's home in Huntington Beach after deciding that they were "were horrified at what we had done." And just for good measure, they throw in a vague threat against Vallejo Police Lt. Kenny Park, who was the first to suggest publicly last week that this was all a hoax. They're demanding an apology from him by noon today and saying, "I/we may be the direct agent of harm. But it will be made crystal clear that the Vallejo Police Department, and you, Mr. Park, had every opportunity to stop it."

Here's the kicker. (You're going to like this.) The funniest quote of all comes from Huskins' attorney, who says that Vallejo Police messed this up because "they were dealing with a group of criminals that was far more sophisticated and with computer skills that go well beyond the comprehension of the vast majority of police officers or FBI agents."

So funny.

All earlier stories tagged Vallejo Is Whack.