She's beauty and she's grace
She's queen of 50 states
She's elegance and taste
She is Miss United States
Hold your crown up high
Hold your crown up high
Raise it to the sky
Hold your crown up high
woaa yeye oooh ye sky high hold your crown up high
-William Shatner
The 2015 Mr. Marina competition is underway, and you know what that means: a high-school style popularity contest slash giant fundraiser for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Many nominees have been winnowed down to a select fraternity of 11 males, all of whom hail from San Francisco's Marina District [ed. note: we probably don't need a Marina joke here, people get it.]
With a new advertiser in The League, San Francisco's hottest app for singles who want to "date. intelligently" or filter by ethnicity (an option on the app), you can find all these candidates on your phone, or so we're told. And of course you can also pore over them right here, mentally swiping left and right with photos, bios, and a bit of tough-love critique.
The competition itself — swimsuits! — takes place on Wednesday, March 18th at the Regency Ballroom, and those tickets are available here.
Andrew Berger
Bio: HE CRIED WHEN MUFASA WAS TRAMPLED BY HYENAS.
HE ADOPTS EVERY STRAY PUPPY HE FINDS . . . EVEN THE UGLY ONES.
HE ALWAYS PICKS UP THE CHECK ON DATES, EVEN WHEN HE’S THE THIRD WHEEL.
WHEN HE SAYS “COOL STORY BRO”, HE ACTUALLY MEANS IT.
HE’S THE MOST POPULAR GUY IN THE ROOM, BUT HIS BEST FRIEND IS, AND ALWAYS WILL BE HIS MOTHER.
AIMING TO REDEFINE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE MR. MARINA
.
HE IS ANDREW BERGER.
Summary: Not how Mufasa dies. Doesn't care if you're ugly (if you're a dog). Loves his mom.
Brady Stevenson
Bio: AS A SOUTHERN CALIFORNIAN WHO WAS RAISED IN SAN DIEGO AND WENT TO SCHOOL IN LOS ANGELES, I FELL IN LOVE WITH SAN FRANCISCO ALMOST 5 YEARS AGO AND HAVE BEEN HERE EVER SINCE. WHEN I'M NOT WORKING AS A RECRUITER HELPING TO BUILD THE NEXT BIG TECH COMPANY, I'M STAYING ACTIVE ON THE SOCCER FIELD, AT THE GYM, AND ON THE ROCK CLIMBING WALL. WHEN I HAVE A BIT OF SPARE TIME YOU'LL OFTEN FIND ME BRINGING FRIENDS TOGETHER TO ENJOY THE FOOD AND DRINK SAN FRANCISCO HAS TO OFFER, OR POSSIBLY BREWING MY OWN BEER IN MY KITCHEN (DON'T TELL MY LANDLORD). I'M VERY HAPPY TO BE A PART OF AN EVENT THAT HELPS AN ORGANIZATION AS WONDERFUL AS THE LEUKEMIA & LYMPHOMA SOCIETY.
Summary: How do you know if someone is a homebrewer? They'll tell you. Also, does this guy work in tech?
Bio: None. Smart.
Summary: None. Smart.
Frankie Arias
Bio: ALTHOUGH RELATIVELY NEW TO THE MARINA DISTRICT, BOOZY BRUNCHES, SHIRTLESS YARD GAMES, AND PASTEL SHORTS HAVE BEEN PASSIONS OF MINE FROM A VERY YOUNG AGE. ECUADORIAN BORN AND SOCAL RAISED, I AM ALWAYS ON THE GO - WHETHER IT’S TRAINING FOR AN IRONMAN, WINNING CONSECUTIVE DODGEBALL LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIPS (GO HOTSHOTS!) OR EXPLORING ALL THIS GREAT CITY HAS TO OFFER - LIKE FORT MASON OR BALBOA CAFE. DURING THE WEEK, I SPEND MY TIME WORKING AS A PROFESSIONAL ENGINEER REBUILDING THE HUNTERS POINT AND BAYVIEW AREAS AND VOLUNTEERING MY TIME TO VARIOUS CHARITIES AND NON-PROFIT ORGANIZATIONS. ALL OF THAT ASIDE, I HAVE THE BROCHACHO ATTITUDE, LOVE FOR FLORESCENT WORKOUT GEAR, AND THE GENUINE LATIN SMILE THAT MAKES ME THE BEST CANDIDATE FOR MR. MARINA 2015. MUCHAS GRACIAS MIS AMIGOS!
Summary: Ecuadorian guy has smile that is also Ecuadorian, does a cool job.
Justin Waterman
Bio: I'M JUST YOUR ALL-AMERICA GUY WHO PUTS GOD, COUNTRY, TANK TOPS AND CALVIN HARRIS ABOVE ALL ELSE. INGRAINED IN THE SF SCENE, I AM DEDICATED TO WINNING YOUR VOTE AND THE COMPETITION TO RAISE FUNDS FOR THE LEUKEMIA AND LYMPHOMA SOCIETY. PLUS, MY TINDER PICS HAVE PUPPIES IN THEM, SO THAT HELPS EVERYONE.
Summary: Dude is on Tinder, like other dudes, is like other dudes.
Matt Bowers
Bio: “I’M JUST NOT SURE IF IT’S FOR ME,” MATT MUMBLED, SKIPPING ANOTHER ROCK ACROSS THE
RETREATING OCEAN.
“WHAT AREN’T YOU SURE ABOUT? THIS IS TOTALLY YOU!” I REPLIED, TRYING TO LOOK AS
EARNEST AS POSSIBLE.
TRUTHFULLY, I WASN’T LYING. IN THE YEAR SINCE HE HAD MOVED TO SAN FRANCISCO, I HAD
KNOWN BOWERS TO DRESS UP AS A TINKER BELL FOR HALLOWEEN, FLY DOWN TO LA FOR THE
NATIONAL SPIKEBALL CHAMPIONSHIP, AND REFER TO HIS RECURRING SUNDAY BRUNCH
RESERVATIONS AS “MASS”.
SO I PRESSED HIM.
“GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY YOU SHOULDN’T DO IT.”
HE SHUFFLED HIS SPERRYS FROM SIDE TO SIDE, BURYING THEM IN THE SAND.
“YOU KNOW I HAVE TO WEAR A SWIMSUIT FOR THIS THING RIGHT? YOU SAW THOSE GUYS FROM
THE PROMO VIDEOS, THEY LOOK LIKE THEY HAVEN’T EATEN A CARB SINCE 1992!”
“SO YOU CUT BACK ON THE BEER FOR A COUPLE MONTHS, WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL?
HE LOOKED SUDDENLY STERN.
“BRO, DON’T EVEN JOKE ABOUT THAT.”
WE STROLLED OVER TO A SMALL HILL AND SAT DOWN, LOOKING OVER THE BAY. I WOULDN’T LET
HIM GET AWAY THAT EASILY.
“MATT, YOU’RE WEARING A CAPTAIN AMERICA T-SHIRT, AND WE JUST CAME FROM LUNCH AT THE
TIPSY PIG. I THINK YOU QUALIFY.”
“SO?”
“THE SHIRT IS A YOUTH MEDIUM.”
“WHAT’S YOUR POINT? JUST BECAUSE I ENJOY CORN HOLE AT FORT MASON AND I JUST FOUND OUT
WHAT A COLLAR STAY IS DOESN’T MEAN I WANT TO PARADE ABOUT LIKE A JABRONI. IT’S EMBARRASSING!”
“WOULD YOU LISTEN TO YOURSELF? LAST WEEK YOU SANG KARAOKE AT THE FINAL FINAL.”
“JOURNEY CAME ON! WHAT CHOICE DID I HAVE??”
“IT WAS 2 IN THE AFTERNOON.”
SENSING HIS RESISTANCE FADING I WENT IN FOR THE KILL.
“THINK ABOUT THE CAUSE MAN. THINK HOW MANY PATIENTS YOU CAN HELP FIGHT LEUKEMIA,
LYMPHOMA, HODGKIN’S DISEASE AND MYELOMA. THINK OF THE KIDS MATT. THINK OF THE KIDS.”
WE SAT IN SILENCE FOR A TIME, JUST LOOKED OUT OVER THAT SUNSET, BEAUTIFULLY MESHING ITS
PASTEL COLORS WITH THE KARL THE FOG’S INSTAGRAM-LIKE FILTER. HONESTLY, I HAVE NO IDEA
HOW LONG WE SAT THERE. AND JUST WHEN I THOUGHT THE CAUSE WAS HOPELESS, MATT STOOD
UP, REACHED INTO HIS POCKET WHERE HE ALWAYS CARRIES A SPARE PBR, AND LAUNCHED IT OUT
TOWARDS THE HORIZON.
“ALRIGHT,” HE SAID. “FOR THE KIDS.”
**PLEASE NOTE; NO ACTUAL LITTERING OCCURRED DURING THE MAKING OF THIS BIO.
Summary: Matt, who was this conversation with?
Michael Thomas
Bio: MIDWEST BORN AND BRED AND BEEN LIVING WITH THE WONDERFUL PEOPLE OF THE MARINA (COW HOLLOW FOR ALL THE PEDANTICS) FOR THE LAST YEAR AND A HALF. OF THE MANY PLACES I'VE LIVED IN THE PAST FEW YEARS, SF HAS BEEN THE MOST AMAZING, SO IT'S ABOUT TIME TO GET MORE INVOLVED! I SPEND MOST WEEKENDS WITH FRIENDS EXPLORING WHAT THE BAY AREA HAS TO OFFER! USUALLY ENDING ON SUNDAYNIGHTS WITH A DEEP DISH PATXI'S PIZZA, GLASS A RED WINE AND A CHICK FLI... *AHEM* ACTION MOVIE. DEDICATING MY CAMPAIGN TO MY MOM (THE BEAUTIFUL LADY IN THE PICTURE ABOVE) WHO IS A LYMPHOMA SURVIVOR AND MOST AMAZING PERSON I KNOW.
Summary: Has two first names, loves his mom, distinguishes between the Marina and Cow Hollow.
Mike Willis
Bio: WITH A BOTTLE OF WINE AND TWO GLASSES, HE IS A BOYFRIEND'S WORST NIGHTMARE. HE WEARS THE TRENDIEST MOTORCYCLE BOOTS, BUT "HIS BIKE'S IN THE SHOP." HE BRINGS MISTLETOE INTO BAR NONE, YET HE STILL HAS A DECENT AMOUNT OF FRIENDS. WHEN HE EATS A TACO AT MAMACITAS, NOTHING FALLS OUT OF THE SHELL. ONE TIME HE WAITED IN LINE AT A MARINA BAR, JUST TO SEE WHAT IT FELT LIKE. HE IS THE WILDCARD.
Summary: Watch the fuck out.
Peter Ferguson
Bio: AN ALL-AMERICAN WATER POLO PLAYER, PETER GRADUATED FROM BOSTON COLLEGE WITH A DEGREE IN SOCIOLOGY. HIS HUMANITARIAN SPIRIT HAS LED HIM ACROSS THE GLOBE, PARTICIPATING IN COMMUNITY ORGANIZING FROM MEXICO TO EASTERN AFRICA.
AT A YOUNG AGE, PETER WAS DIAGNOSED WITH HEMOPHILIA, A RARE BLEEDING DISORDER. PASSIONATE ABOUT MAKING PATIENTS' LIVES BETTER, AND ADVANCEMENTS IN BLOOD CANCER RESEARCH, HE IS LOOKING FORWARD TO WORKING WITH HIS CAMPAIGN TEAM TO RAISE FUNDS FOR THE LEUKEMIA AND LYMPHOMA SOCIETY.
A CURRENT RESIDENT OF THE 94123, PETER HUMBLY EMBODIES SOME OF THE BEST ASPECTS OF THE MARINA AND IS LIVING PROOF THAT NOT ALL MARINA RESIDENTS CAN BE QUICKLY JUDGED BY OUTWARD APPEARANCE OR PRECONCEIVED NOTIONS.
Summary: Stands out from the crowd, especially in his bathing suit (click for link).
Shyan Rad Moayedi
Bio: IN FEBRUARY OF 1986 ON THE BEACHES OF ORANGE COUNTY, A PERSIAN BABY BOY WAS BORN WITH A BRONZED TAN AND HAIR ON-POINT. SHYAN RAD, EXCELLED IN ATHLETICS AT AN EARLY AGE, TURNING INTO A YOUNG FOOTBALL STAR WHO MISTAKENLY MISUNDERSTOOD HIS COACHES DIRECTION OF “BULKING UP” FOR LIVING SOLELY OFF OF DORITOS AND DR PEPPER FOR MUCH OF HIS YOUTH UNTIL HE RANG IN AT OVER 300LB.
DURING HIS EXODUS FROM ADOLESCENCE, SHY WAS TIRED OF HEARING THE “JUST FRIENDS” RESEMBLANCE FROM THE GIRLS, SO HE DEVOTED THE NEXT PHASE OF HIS LIFE TO BUILDING HIMSELF INTO THE LEAN, CARB-FREE, GYM-OBSESSED, PUNNY, ROBIN THICKE DOPPELGANGER THAT WE ALL LOVE TODAY. THERE ARE MANY OPTIONS FOR THIS YEAR’S MR. MARINA, YET THE TRUTH REMAINS, "ONCE YOU GO PERSIAN, THERE’S NO OTHER VERSION"
Summary: Thinks that once you've been with him, you won't want to be with anyone who isn't also Persian. That could prove limiting, so maybe don't hook up with him?
Zac Sean
Bio: ZAC NAVIGATES SEAMLESSLY THROUGH LIFE BETWEEN FUN AND SERIOUS, SASS AND SELF DEPRECATION, OPTIMISM AND SARCASM.
ZAC SPENDS HIS DAYS DEALING WITH SOME OF THE BEST/WORST PEOPLE IN THE CITY AND TRIES TO TURN FROWNS UPSIDE DOWN WITH A 98% SUCCESS RATE.
ZAC REALIZES HOW CRUEL CANCER CAN BE AND IS HAPPY TO WORK HARD TO RAISE A LOT OF MONEY FOR THIS IMPORTANT CHARITY
S
Summary: Has two first names. Realizes the importance of cancer research, humor.
via Mr. Marina
