Yes, it's offensive to call Cinco de Mayo "Mexican St. Patrick's Day." And yet, that's how many people treat it, as an excuse to drink themselves blind then to stagger on home before passing out.

And if staggering is what you're doing, great! But if you find yourself tipsy tonight, and are out of staggering distance from your bed, you have a couple free options (on top of the usual paid options of Muni and "ride-sharing") to get back home.

First, as they do on almost every major drinking holiday, Berg Injury Lawyers are covering cab rides from any SF bar or restaurant to your home. Call Luxor Cab at 415-282-4141 for a ride worth up to $35 from 10 PM tonight to 4 AM Tuesday. Tell your driver that the ride is on Berg, but remember: Berg doesn't cover your driver's tip, so shake your tequila haze off long enough to provide him or her a reasonable gratuity.

If you somehow ended up driving tonight, then either don't drink (always an option for non-drivers, too!) or file away this information for AAA's Tipsy Tow program. From 6 PM tonight to 6 AM Tuesday, everyone (not just AAA members) can call 800-222-4357 for a free ten-mile tow home. Just tell the operatior "I need a tipsy tow" and the driver will pick you and your car up and get you both home safely.

In any case, have a great time celebrating Mexico's victory over the evil French forces tonight, maaaaybe rethink that sombrero, and get home safe.

What: Free rides home by cab or tow truck
When: AAA is covering Tipsy Tows from 6 PM to 6 AM, Berg will cover your Luxor Cab rides from 10 PM to 4 AM.
Where: Any San Francisco venue to your home (10 mile limit for tow trucks, $35 limit for cabs)
Cost: Free, but be decent and tip your driver.