When we caught wind that a displaced marmot was hiding out in a Bernal backyard, we knew we needed to check in with the furry visitor to find out more. We sat down with the marmot at an undisclosed location to protect his identity.
SFist: Oh, so this is embarrassing ... but what the hell is a marmot?
Marmot: Wow, modern journalism! Haha. Just kidding, I get that question all the time. We're basically giant ground squirrels. Your groundhog, your prairie dog, your whistle-pig (although we do not like that term), they're all marmots. The "marmot tribe" of squirrels is actually called the Marmotini.
SFist: Whoa, really? That sounds like an ancient secret society.
Marmot: That's because it is.
SFist: Like the Illuminati?
Marmot: I've said too much.
SFist: Fair enough. We know that the company Marmot manufactures quality outdoor gear and apparel. Where do you fit into all that?
Marmot: I live in the mountains, I'm good-looking, and I've got a water-resistant fur coat, so I totally get why an outdoorsy sportwear company would want me as their brand. I'm rugged, and I was rugged before that was cool, you know?
SFist: Are you saying you're not a hipster?
Marmot: I don't know what that is. Is that like a chipmunk?
SFist: Nevermind. How did you get all the way to San Francisco?
Marmot: Wildlife Emergency Services has surmised that I hitched a ride from the Sierras on the undercarriage of a truck. I'm not going to confirm or deny that because I don't want to get anyone in trouble, but let's just say I had some help getting here.
SFist: And, if you don't mind us asking, what are you doing here?
Marmot: I'm not a city animal at all. I've never been to the city and I'm not going to stay that long, but I wanted to be here for a couple reasons. One, I wanted to go to the Exploratorium. I love science and paws-on learning, but it's hard to motivate yourself to go read a book when you could be sunning on a rock all day, you know?
SFist: Totally agreed. What's the other reason?
Marmot: The other reason I'm here is that I really wanted to be here for the DOMA/Prop 8 ruling. Same-marmot relationships are not widely accepted where I come from, but I've been in a relationship with a wonderful guy for several years. We've been waiting for this moment for a long time. I just really wanted to be here to celebrate what I consider to be a basic animal right to happiness. When I get back we're moving into a burrow together.
SFist: That's wonderful! Congratulations.
Marmot: Thank you!
SFist: Are you aware that they've set a trap for you in the backyard where you were first sighted?
Marmot: I am fully aware of that. You can't just waltz into the city, as a marmot, and not generate some attention. It's a humane trap and when I'm ready to go home I'll make use of it. But for now I'm going to do some sightseeing. I hear there's some really good coffee here.
Thanks again to the marmot for agreeing to chat with us.