First, there was analog bang with friends. You'd go to a party, or get drinks, or play on the same softball team together. Sure, it was a pain sometimes: how would you know if she or he liked you back? You'd have to actually talk to the person, observe physical and social cues, and when the time came, expose yourself to the possibility of rejection. Surely it was only a matter of tens of thousands of years before someone invented an app for that.

Now there's Bang with Friends, the Facebook app that lets you select the FB friends you want to "bang" (no word yet on the "make gentle love" app), and, if they select you too, you'll presumably be sent some sort of classy notification. Billed as being "completely private & discreet until both friends are down to bang!", the app erases all fear of overt rejection and replaces it with what we can presume is vague embarrassment, social discomfort, and fear that someone might take you up on your offer and you'll have to interact in meatspace.

As if that's not enough, there's now ... wait for it ... Bang with Professionals, which does basically the same thing with your Linkedin network that I'm hoping is a lot hotter than mine, which consists mostly of fusty college professors and batty marketing ladies.

What's next? Bang with Twits (They'll will never know you're interested unless they retweet that message you sent them that said "Let's bang")? Bang with Pics (Your Instagram followers will never know you're interested unless they "like" your latte pics)?

If these apps are aimed at simplifying a dating/sexing landscape or dignifying the mating process through the clean smooth lines of technological communication, I'm afraid they'll probably do the opposite. What does getting a bang shout-out over social media really mean, anyway? If banging it all you're after, wouldn't the traditional approach work better than messing with your friends and professional network?

Best case scenario: you connect with someone you're actually into, which spells all sorts of emotional weirdness from the get-go. And the worst case is ... nothing. No one wants to bang you. Do we really need an app for anonymous sexual rejection?