Now that the San Francisco 49ers could very well land in the Super Bowl this year, we have witnessed flagrant instances of blatant sports fandom popping up all over the city. From overhearing detailed instructions at local cafes as to what "loud on defense, quiet on offense" means to seeing women wearing Victoria's Secret's "PINK Loves the NFL" line, our local football franchise has seen a spike in adoration since making it to the playoffs. (By the way, we have noting against bandwagoners. This site alone wouldn't be as wildly successful as it is without the eyeballs of fresh, nubile bandwagoners.) Are you a bandwagoner? Probably. Not sure? Here are five things that might mean you're ready to jump aboard the 49ers trolly.
You now live in the Mission
Once a bastion for Latino families, introverts, and homosexuals, San Francisco's Mission District is now home to long lines of beards in black Giants caps waiting for ice cream, bread, groceries, Chinese food, and even haircuts at a fucking barbershop. Is it because The Mission has the best the city has to offer? Hell no. You can find the greatest of anything all over this unparalleled city of ours, not just on Valencia and Mission streets. It is because nowhere more in San Francisco do people love to be a part of something, to be a part of organized fun than in The Mission. If the shocking rise in baseball fans among the PBR set during the 2010 Giants World Series is any indication, we could see double that with football fans provided the Niners win Sunday's NFC Championship.
You watch 49ers games because you miss Friday Night Lights
This would be us. We could not have given an ounce of piss about football prior to a two-week stint watching the entirety of Friday Night Lights on Netflix—one of the most rewarding experiences of our TV viewing life. We magically became somewhat interested in football as Coach Eric Taylor led The Panthers and [Spoiler alert!] The Lions to state championships. Tim Riggins also helped. As did Tami Taylor. And Smash Williams. God, we miss Friday Night Lights so much.
You don't know who the other Smiths are
Who? Exactly. We know about Alex Smith. Oh, do we know about Mr. Smith. But for more on the other Smiths, we had to ask SFist football reporter Daisy Barringer for further details. "Aldon Smith and Justin Smith are two of the best players on the team," she explained, adding, "Aldon Smith is a rookie OLB—insane pass rusher with an unbelievable wing span. Justin Smith is a DE who also has magic powers."
You're a single heterosexual woman of-a-certain-age
We get it. You're inching up in years and the future looks barren. You've stopped going to '80s dance night with your gays and started pretending to like sports and farts. And good for you. What better way to come off as non-threatening to the infamously timid and emasculated San Francisco man than by adopting an appreciation for the Niners. We see you. And we hear you too. You're the one cheering far too much and far too loud at Public House or Zeke's. We know you'd much rather be shopping with us at Bloomingdale's or Crossroads, as we split a Xanax bar followed by a liquid lunch at Zero Zero, but you've chosen to hang out at a urine-tinged bar to watch men in tights zip around a patch of grass. And you're doing it in the name of love. Godspeed, girl. Godspeed.