In lieu of exploiting microwave-based infanticide or urging the (vile) use of human breast milk in Chubby Hubby, PETA aims for something a little less gross today. At noon, four PETA members dressed as colorful condoms will gather at the corner of Market and Powell streets (a noted for public displays of reason and grace) holding signs that read, "Dogs Can't Use Condoms: Spay and Neuter!" and "Condoms Won't Work: Fix Your Cat!"

"If cats and dogs could wear condoms, millions of animals would be spared from suffering and death," says PETA campaigner Katie Arth. "But they can't—so it's up to their guardians to take responsibility for spaying and neutering."

Which, yeah, if you haven't clipped your little flufferbutt munchkin, it's time to do so. Six to 8 million neglected cats and dogs are forced into animal shelters every year, with roughly half of them euthanized "because there simply aren't enough good homes for them." (Speaking of which, you can always adopt a totally boss cat and/or dog at the SF SPCA! If you prefer to buy a pet from a breeder, we hope you enjoy eternity spent consumed within the blistering flames of Hell. Your call.)

You can check out the PETA's performance at around noon.