We suppose that only the most JV, flaky, and virginal among you Burners would wait until late July to buy your Burning Man tickets, but if you did, sucks for you! For the first time in the dusty, druggy event's 25-year history, the thing is completely sold out, one month ahead of time. Organizers are capping ticket sales now, in compliance with their land use permit, and there will be no more sold, even at the gate.

This of course gives a whole month for the market value of these tickets to skyrocket, especially given the douchebag contingent that has invaded the once more pseudo-hippyish festival. Former frat boys pulling in six figures who decide to buy some furry underpants and make some spontaneous playa plans will likely be glad to drop a grand or two to get through the gates. But here's where the organizers' announcement gets precious:

"If you choose to purchase tickets from a third party, please take precautions to ensure their authenticity before you purchase them to avoid counterfeits and scams. If you are selling your ticket, we strongly encourage you to sell it at face value, or better yet, gift it!"

Also, there's already someone on craigslist preaching calmness, and telling everyone to hold on to their money and not "turn BRC into Coachella" (too late!):

Be patient. Come on burners, you're smarter than this. Save your cash, wait patiently. Scalpers can only sell to people who will buy from them. Don't turn BRC into Coachella. There's no need. If you can control yourselves, we'll all get a chance to go. Lots of people end up with conflicts and are sound of conscience enough to sell at face value. Keep your burner spirit with you. Stay grounded. Be connected and honest.

So, you hear that, kids? Stay grounded. Don't let the scalpers win. Or, better yet, just don't go to Burning Man. Your dust-free crotch will thank you.

PREVIOUSLY: Burning Man 2010: Scenes from the Playa