Against the wishes of some knee-jerk conservatives, the USDA food pyramid is now a thing of the past. Good riddance. That construct was a terror on our nation. With that, First Lady Michelle Obama today revealed the USDA's update on America's visual guide -- because Americans need a guide to eat, you see -- which is a vast improvement over the former dietary image of sloth and ruin.

You like? The new food plate has seven key components:

- Enjoy your food, but eat less
- Avoid oversized portions
- Make half your plate fruits and vegetables
- Make at least half your grains whole grains
- Switch to fat-free or low-fat (1%) milk
- Compare sodium in foods like soup, bread, and frozen meals - and choose the foods with lower numbers
- Drink water instead of sugary drinks

While we cannot get behind switching our milk to fat-free or low-fat -- that's just wrong, Michelle! -- we love the new guide, especially the part about making your mealtime plate half fruits and vegetables. (Aside: if you're over the age of 16 and still loathe vegetables, you should consider seeing a head doctor. That's just odd behavior. And we want to help.)

Also, some sort of nationwide ban on walnuts should be prominently marked on there. Because walnuts are disgusting. Alas, we're splitting hairs. We digress.

USDA spent $2 million to design and promote the new plate, notes the New York Times.