Changing the lining in those bird cages was likely a much higher priority today than actually reading the alt-weeklies, right kids? Thus, we've done you the favor of scanning through them for the highlights, and lowlights, so you don't have to. You are most welcome.
Just two weeks after this feature story about a special and costly road to citizenship for business-minded immigrants, the Weekly is back on the immigration beat with this story about the U-1 visa program, instituted in the last few years and designed to improve immigrants' willingness to cooperate with authorities in instances of violent crime. Basically, if you're the victim of a violent crime, you may be eligible. Jokes one immigration attorney, ""We have a sick sense of humor here in our office. Like, maybe we should just go tell them to get a job as a pizza deliveryman or walk around Fruitvale with a bunch of money in their hand — of course, that's just totally kidding." JK! Sorta.
Music: Girl Talk, a.k.a. Greg Gillis, explains what he's really doing with that laptop onstage, and why he doesn't like "Hotel California."
Arts: They profile and review the work of Hasan Elahi, a Muslim American professor of digital media art who was born in Bangladesh. He was once questioned for months by Homeland Security over some unfounded tip regarding a storage locker he had, and he's done a bunch of photographic work, like this, documenting his life in a post-9/11 world.
Film: Suprise! That movie Paul is kind of bad, despite looking like it'll be bad-good. And Limitless is just lame, despite their calling it, "A gleeful celebration of nonstop doping," which would otherwise sound fun.
Food: Jonathan Kauffman is not a huge fan of the Americanized maki rolls at Tataki South in Noe Valley, or Latin-ish burrito-sized sushi rolls at Sushirrito, but he does say he'd order that fried shrimp and cheese shit again.