Troubles at home? Out of work? Feel like people just can't pick up what you're laying down when you smash them in their gaping maws with delicious cream pies before waddling away in giant shoes while honking an old-school bicycle horn? Well, now you can make all your dreams come true! Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus will be holding auditions for new clowns on Tuesday, August 3rd, down at the San Francisco Circus Center. Did you even know that SF has its very own circus center? Well, surprise!

Aspiring clowns will get to participate in clowning workshops, do some improv (ew!), and get to show important circus officials how adept they are at traumatizing small children and modeling for bad dentist office art with 3-minute routines. The giant ass booby prize? A signed, two-year, 80-city contract as a clown with the Greatest Show on Earth! Dude! Dream job! This writer will totally be there! You?

Who: Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus
What: Clown Auditions
Where: San Francisco Circus Center, 755 Frederick Street, San Francisco
When: Tuesday, August 3rd, 11-4pm