After eight long years of being ignored like a problem only-child in a first marriage gone afoul, it feels almost unnatural for the President of the United States to pay San Francisco a visit. What in heaven's name does Obama want? Did we do something bad? Where can we hide our bong?

But it's true, POTUS and Nobel Prize recipient Barack Obama will visit us this week. According to Carla Marinucci, he's here to show face at some grand fundraising event at the St. Francis Hotel later in the night, possible to cull in heaps of cash for Democrats. (The fun starts at $500 a plate!)

Sadly, he won't have much time to walk on Lombard or hit up any bars in the Mission; Obama leaves the very next day.