But as it turns out, all the excitement has been going on here in our very own idyllic backyard of Mountain View. As adventure-seeking tech writers sought to unlock the Mysteries of the Google Cube!

Larry Page of Google will be making the final keynote address at the CES this Friday, and speculation has said he would finally unveil the company's new plug-and-play mini PC with built-in network connectivity, sold through mass market channels like Wal Mart for only $200!

Of course, Google quickly put the kibosh on the rumor, proving that whatever the company's strengths are, a good sense of drama isn't one of them. Come on: they've been hiring top scientists from around the world to be secreted away in a former government facility! Archiving and indexing global satellite imagery as well as all of the world's greatest literature! Sponsoring the space elevator! Developing not just a web-based application suite, but an entire operating system in an inexpensive (and unassuming) home appliance! And how does it all tie in with the mysterious "dark fiber?" New PC, nothing. As far as we can tell, Google is really building a rocketship to reach Alpha Centauri.

Still, the head of products of the company is making a keynote address at the world's biggest consumer electronics show, so expect some type of gadget-related announcement. Our bet is that it's going to be something considerably more mundane than black oil and alien/human hybrids, more along the lines of partnerships with gadget providers to distribute Google software. But whatever the company announces, our advice remains the same: whatever happens, keep your eyes shut! Don't look at it!

Raiders of the Lost Ark, but seriously: shame on you if you didn't recognize it.

Image from