During the week of August first, fans of Charo -- and who on earth isn't her fan -- are in for a treat: the board of supes has designated it Charo Week in San Francisco! Can this city get any more awesome? Yes, yes it can: The lady herself is going to be rolling into town this week, exploding onstage at the Herbst, and also out-hekling Heklina as she judges a Charo-impersonation contest at Trannyshack. Holy freaking mother of pearl. And what's that you say? The Stud's going to have an open vodka bar that night? Well, that's just peachy. The only way that night could possibly be any better is if someone said the words "and a very special surprise appearance by Olivia Newton John." We know it's not likely. But the way things are going here, we wouldn't rule anything out.

It would not be accurate to say that we "caught up" with Charo, as so many celebrity interviewers do; a more apt description would be that we were tied to a post like a tetherball and verbally slapped senseless until we were completely tangled in rope at the top of a very high pole. Our phone conversation went something like, "Hi, Charo, thanks for much for--" "Hello! I am so happy to be bringing original music of today for dancing! I am performing a new style, neosalsa and neoflamenco, because every day I want to improve myself, tomorrow when I wake up I am searching for something better. I'm going to have a bigger thing, ahead of our time, if you love dancing, you gonna wow!" At this point, Charo's voice was nearly being drowned out by the tweeting of tiny birds circling our instantly frazzled brain.