Dear Oakland A’s,

We get it. We understand that the team’s philosophy is very, very complicated, and involves math. It is not just about putting together a bunch of big, slow guys who walk a lot and then wait around for a three-run home run. Anyone who thinks it’s that simple, we know, is hella dumb. Now that we get it, could you please hit a few three-run home runs and maybe win some games? Surely runs scored and team wins, for all their obviousness, are not overvalued statistics.

Best wishes for a healthy and productive summer,

Any way you slice it, the last week was ugly for the 14-20 A’s. They put together a 20-inning scoreless streak, wasted solid performances by Joe Blanton, Rich Harden and Kirk Saarloos, lost two in a row to Boston on walk-off home runs, and will stumble into the Coliseum Friday night losers of five in a row, hoping to catch a few breaks. On Friday the 13th. In their only win on the road trip, the A’s batted around against Mariano Rivera in the 10th inning without hitting the ball out of the infield—not exactly a strategy to count on. It doesn’t get any easier, either—Kid Canada (2-2, 1.94) faces the Yankees and Mike Mussina (3-2, 3.60) to open the homestand.