The heavens opened up over Sunday’s annual Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence Easter parade of whimsical sacrilege that culminates in the Hunky Jesus Contest. Rainstorms of biblical proportions crucified the turnout yesterday in Golden Gate Park, with just over 1,000 people attending after last year’s police estimates went as high as 10,000. But two dozen hot mess Messiahs still stripped down and competed for the Hunky Jesus title while Foxy Mary and Easter Bonnet Contests competitors totally nailed it, and SFist was on hand to get pictures and video of the dressed-up dogs, babies, and crafty Easter cosplayers with their egg-and-peep-bedazzled rainy-day picnic hacks.

We begin of course with the day’s climax, the final posedown of the Hunky Jesus Contest seen in the video above. Wet T-Shirt Jesus and his partner John the Baptist won the 2017 title and the $100 that comes with it. Also making the final round was a Flog You Jesus who flogged Donald Trump, Sweet Jesus who wore a crown of Pixy Sticks, and Stripper Jesus with his remarkable “twirling cross” pasties.

Full-frontal nudity was deployed by several Hunky Jesus competitors, as is the custom to compete in this applause-judged contest.

Other Hunky Jesus contestants included Techno Jesus, who proclaimed he could “turn Ruby into Rails.”

Image: Joe Kukura, SFist

Full frontal nudity did win the Foxy Mary Contest, as Mary Queen of Thebes took the win for her boob-and-bush flaunting interpretation in which she only wore a pet labradoodle and a smile. Sister Roma awarded her the $100 and said, “I don’t know where you’re going to put this.”

Image: Joe Kukura, SFist

This Foxy Mary runner-up might still win a visit from Child Protective Services. Here we see Aussie Mary, an Australian native in kangaroo cosplay with her Infant Hunky Jesus at left. “He’s too young to compete,” she said. “He needs to grow to be hunkier.”

Image: Joe Kukura, SFist

Now in it’s 38th year, the Sisters’ annual fete has encountered rainy Easter Sundays before. “The last time we were in Dolores Park, it rained so much,” said event co-organizer Sister Agnes Dei’ Afta Tamara, recalling the 2012 event. “We called the event because of rain, we had problems with our electrical system. Five minutes after we called it, the sun came out.”

Image: Joe Kukura, SFist

The hardest rains hit early in the day for the Easter Egg Hunt, but the egg-hunting youngsters were hardly deterred. “It started raining but the little kids acted like it wasn’t anything, they just ran right out there,” Sister Agnes said. “Kids sprinted to the eggs. They were taking no chances.”

Image: Joe Kukura, SFist

Look at this baby, who is already exhibiting advanced cosplay skills. Look at her bonnet’s rainbow balloon detailing, the chicks and eggs that line the brim of her hat, the handmade sash accessory. This infant puts the community on notice that these Easter costume competitions will remain competitive for decades to come.

Image: Joe Kukura, SFist

One of the day’s finest rain hack ideas comes from Sister Selma Soul, who has used color-shaded clear vinyl to create a rain-proof nun’s habit. “Only $7.99 a yard!” she told SFist.

Image: Joe Kukura, SFist

The Bonnet Contest is traditionally dominated by Mrs. Vera and Mr. Tina of the Verasphere team. Their full outfits are made entirely of recycled materials and discarded items, including picnic plates, plastic cups, hair curlers, Lego pieces, placemats, straws, spoons, and more.

Image: Joe Kukura, SFist

They did not, however, win this year’s Bonnet Contest. That distinction went to Pam, who somehow won over the crowd with a sob story about showing up late last year, missing the bonnet competition, and holding on to the bonnet all year long. “I didn’t think I was going to win,” Pam admitted. “Everybody goes for the most opulent and outrageous things.”

Image: Joe Kukura, SFist

The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence do opulent and outrageous things all year long, with the local order giving out $20,000 annually in charitable grants.

Image: Joe Kukura, SFist

Related: Photos From Hunky Jesus 2016, The Sinfully Funny Jesus Look-Alike Pageant

Pink Saturday is no more. The street party that has traditionally taken place the Saturday before the Pride parade, dubbed the Pink Party last year, will not happen this year, reports The Bay Area Reporter, making 2016 the first year since 1991 without the boisterous celebration gracing the Castro neighborhood.

Coordinated and run by the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence since 1995, the group last year declined to continue organizing the event as incidents of violence and the growing need for security made it an increasingly costly — not to mention an at times gay-unfriendly — affair. Last year (you surely remember) the LGBT Community Center swooped in, renamed the event Pink Party (because the Sisters are holding onto the Pink Saturday name), and held it earlier in the day. The Center is unable to do so this year, Castro Supervisor Scott Wiener told the BAR, and no other organization has offered to deal with it either.

“They don’t have the staff and it’s not a core part of what they do,” Wiener said of the LGBT Community Center. “There’s no other community group that’s stepped up to do the Pink Party."

The Dyke March will still take place, notes the paper.

That streets will not officially be closed to traffic of course does not mean there won't be some sort of party, and it is reasonable to expect the police to be out in force in the Castro neighborhood on the evening of June 25 — much as they were last year following the tame and unexcited daylight party that took the place of Pink Saturday. Wiener seems aware of this, telling BAR that the city is still expecting that "lots of people" will show up — city-sanction Pink Saturday or no.

The death of Pink Saturday is undoubtedly a blow to SF's Pride celebration, which seems every year to take one step closer to being a big rainbow-themed party for straight people. It seems unlikely that any other organization is going to swoop in to save this thing, though the Sisters could always decide to throw a Pink Saturday somewhere else, as they've already discussed doing. And, as most locals will say, that party became too much of a shitshow anyway.

Related: Castro Braces For Big Pink Saturday/Pride Weekend As Sisters Bow Out As Organizers

Star Wars: The Force Awaken - Everywhere

I'd love to have something to say about this little indie movie, but while there was a screening for critics, SFist was either not cool enough or TOO cool to be invited to that nerd party.

But really, nothing anyone — critic or otherwise — has to say about this is going to make any kind of difference. If you want to see it, you probably already have, twice! And if you don't, well...WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU IT'S STAR WARS AND CHEWIE AND HAN ARE BACK!?!

I only wish I could go see it at the Coronet Theater, where I saw the first one (and by first, I mean fourth, but really, it will always be the FIRST). Alas, that can't happen. But I can tell you that what the Alamo chain has done to the New Mission is pretty great, and it's the closest you will get to seeing it in a classic old theater within San Francisco. Plus: cocktails!

Sisters - Everywhere

The movie SFist DID get to preview — because I'M A GIRL I GUESS — was this comedy starring Tina Fey and Amy Pohler as sisters who decide to throw one last bash in their childhood home before their parents sell it. Tina Fey is cast a little against type, playing the fuck-up of the two sisters, and I gotta admit, I just didn't really buy her as a thick-black-eyeliner-wearing single mother with hair extensions. It's a role that seems like a more natural fit for Pohler, (even though she plays a sister that's pretty close to her Parks & Rec character, Leslie Knope). I guess Pohler just has bigger range.

It takes a little too long to get the party started — literally — but once it does (and once Maya Rudolph shows up, as Fey's high school nemesis) it's legitimately funny. It's not going to revolutionize comedies in general, or comedies centered on women specifically, but it does prove that when it comes to stories about emotionally stunted adults — a sub-genre dominated by dudes — Tina and Amy can do keg stands with the best of them.

Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip - Everywhere

The movie you won't go see, even though Star Wars and Sisters are both sold out, because you have some dignity left, right?

Every Thing Will Be Fine - Vogue

German director Wim Wenders brings us this drama starring James Franco as an author whose life is changed after a fatal car accident, leading to many, many, MANY years of self-examination. Costars Rachel McAdams and Charlotte Gainsbourg. So, I guess this is the movie you see after you've given up and seen the Chipmunks and now you just want to kill yourself.

Terrible news today. One half of the iconic Brown twins died on Wednesday night. Vivian Brown passed in her sleep at an assisted care facility in the city. She was 85. According to the Chronicle, "Brown suffered from Alzheimer's disease, her twin, Marian Brown, told the Chronicle in August, when the pair were facing their first extended time apart in decades. Vivian Brown fell in July and was admitted into doctors' care, where she remained until her death."

Her sister, Marian, is obviously bereft as this was the person to whom she was closest her entire life. Neither of the sisters married and remained symbols of San Francisco via TV and commercial appearances. In August, Vivian was hospitalized, which prompted many fans to offer donations to the cash-strapped pair who relied on Social Security.

The sisters were born and raised in Michigan, where they attended graduated as co-valedictorians in 1945, giving the valedictory speech together. They even earned matching degrees in business education from Western Michigan University and left for San Francisco in 1970 where they both found work as secretaries at downtown businesses.

I can only hope that Marian makes it through this exceptionally tough time. On a personal note, I enjoyed seeing the pair around town, whether it be on the 30-Stocktoin (saw them twice on it!) or at Uncle Vito's Pizza. As one half of a twin myself, I know that the bond between twin siblings can be pretty intense and is always profound. Sad day, folks.

Feel free to share with us your Brown sisters encounter. Seems like they were the last local color of the female variety in this town.

Below, footage from 1997 of Vivian and Marian Brown from the Westfield Shopping Mall.

The Miller Twins, two performing young girls who grew up in the Bay Area performing on local TV show The Hoffman Hayride and others, just died in their home in South Lake Tahoe at the age of 73, within hours of each other, of apparent natural causes. They had lived a reclusive life for many years, distancing themselves from friends and relatives, and news media has been putting out a call for any known living kin who might, like, want their stuff.

They died eleven days ago, leaving behind a trove of memorabilia, including, among other things, the above photo of them with Bing Crosby. Because of news reports, a few cousins have now come forward, including two in Portland and at least one in the Bay Area.

It seems that not a lot is know about their later years, and they mostly kept to themselves. But the whole dying within hours of each other — a little weird, right?! There must be more to this story... anyway.

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One of Facebook's earliest employees, Randi Zuckerberg, sister of CEO Mark Zuckerberg, resigned from the social networking company. Randi "is leaving her position as director of marketing at the Palo Alto-based website after six years with the company," reports the Oakland Tribune.

Randi will leave the company to launch her own business, called RtoZMedia, "that will launch (her) own innovative programming and work with media companies to develop their programming in new and more social ways."

Like her brother, Randi also attended Harvard. She wrote Spark Your Career in Advertising and, prior to being a Facebook star, appeared as a panelist on Forbes on Fox. Most recently, though, she famously claimed that anonymity online "has to go away."

Gay mafia don, Marke B., has word that the Powerblouse (TM 71Miles) is hosting a prom night for all of you homosexuals who weren't able to attend your senior prom. The theme is "Leather & Lace." Steamy.

The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, we should mention, are hosting this night under to remember. Proceeds from the night go to raise funds to fight the proposed butterfly-killing spray that will soon blanket San Francisco, or whatever it is that people are currently wringing their hands hysterically.

Anyway, it will be a fun night of getting dolled up, getting smashed, and avoiding/trespassing the Powerhouse's notorious back room. Dress to the nines and strap on your boot flasks, kids. See you at the prom.

What: Queer Prom
Where: Powerhouse
When: Saturday, April 19
Time: 9 p.m.