Well this isn't very timely. But still, another bit of inquisitive Friday fun!

Although there are 8549027869056725 sites out there that ask and answer the same thing -- i.e., the shower scene in Psycho -- a (sort of) friend writes to SFist asking:

What do you think is the scariest scene in movie history?

Eh, why not? East: the scene in Cinderella where her stepsisters tear apart her pink gown right before the ball. Awful. Just terrible. Walt's rape fantasies spilled over into his work this time, with gruesome results. (Watch it here. If you dare.)

And yours?

After a recent discussion about sex with those in the coveted 18-to-25-year-old age bracket, a friend then asked SFist:

How old to you have to be to be a cougar?

Huh. Honestly, we didn't have a clue. Do you? We'd love to hear what age one has to hit in order to be considered cougar-worthy. Specifically, we want to hear what age all of you male readers consider cougar time, and at what age our female readers think that they have to reach in order to qualify for cougar admission.

Go.

But we received this urgent question from someone about a park we've neither seen nor frolicked in. Maybe you have an answer regarding this mystifying Scott and Waller area? (Do check out Google's street view of the park. Right now, they're using the most festive witch icon in lieu of the yellow man.)

I read your site regularly. I was wondering if someone in your office could enlighten me regarding the little park/ meditation thing at Scott and Waller. It has been fenced off since completion about 6-7 months ago. It looks like its in great condition to be opened.

City parks are the retaining walls of a successful city. Okay, we just made that up. But...anyone know about this slice of park? Will it be re-opened soon? Will meditation in SF prevail? Let us know.

Please, for your sake, send Questions you want Answered to sfistanswers@gmail.com, and we will do our best to provide.

Maybe walkies after this?:

Q:

A: When we put your Question to the San Francisco Department of Traffic and Parking's Enforcement Division operator at 415 553-1631. They informed us that you're never supposed to park in the median on Valencia! Of course, plenty do. So, when do the authorities tow?

According to our intrepid operator, DPT is not dispatched to that area unless a neighbor calls and complains.

And what of SFPD? What's their role in this? "PD can do 'whatever' if they are in the area," said our operator briskly, "If they want to call it in to the tow trucks, they do." The police "usually try to 'locate' first, and then order the tow truck". How long does it take for a tow truck to respond? Fifteen to twenty minutes. "A busy Friday or Saturday night could take quite a while though."

Q: Amy Winehouse? Is she playing in SF? ~~~ Caroline

A: Yes, she'll be doing a pre-Coachella gig south of Market at Popscene.

The show is sold out, but you could still get in through craigslist or persistence at the door of the show. Here's the info:

Amy Winehouse / The Klaxons
April 26, 2007
Doors open at 9:00 PM
popscene
330 Ritch, San Francisco
Age 18 and up

Amy Winehouse saaangin' picture via www.anncookphotos.co.uk.

So, hey; what would you have us answer? We are your tea-sipping Bay Area oracle of the internets, y'all.

As all-encompassing as fuzzy blanket... As omni-present as that one tie of Gavin's... As multi-functional as your winter sweatpants... Whatever you've got, can answer.

So let fly!

Do you have some answer that has eluded you for an annoying amount of time?

Do you feel that you need some sort of advice?

Do you need help with something?

Would you like to know what not to do?

Hey, we can answer that! We have a website and everything! Ask us!

Email your question to sfistanswers@gmail.com.

Include your question, your name, and your city/neighborhood – just like when you were filling out your craigslist Missed Connections post.

Your questions will likely be edited for brevity and teh grammmarses. Jerks may be taunted publicly.

The resulting answers to your questions are not guaranteed to do anything or be anything and should not be read at all. You can't sue us. We are untouchable.

But this will rock, and we love ya. So, ask away!

In a world with precious few answers, o gentle SFist reader, we will have some for you.

Do your part and we will do ours.

Please, for your sake, send Questions you want Answered to sfistanswers@gmail.com, and we will do our best to provide. That means you, Justin.

Ahh, here we are:

Q:

A: It certainly would make sense to us if tourist locations have higher bug rates, Jordan.

Think of it; all those travelin' people spend extended time periods in various travelin' metal cans (plane/shuttle/train/bus/car) to reach their location... close proximity, recycled air... it's a foregone conclusion that a bug would be easily spread through our tourist districts like a rumor spreads through friends. Just be sure to wash your hands after visiting Fisherman's Wharf. For a couple of reasons.

Q: hi SFist
you have convinced me that you know all, so i bring you my question:

"I once saw an Onion headline, something like 'Rest of U2 is perfectly fine with world hunger'. Somehow, I have always thought that there might be some truth to the headline, perhaps the Onion reporter had some inside scoop or something. How do the rest of U2 feel about world hunger'"

thanks for your help ~~~ Ted

A: That's a good question, Ted. Fact is, no one cares what the other three guys think about world issues. Everyone pays attention to Bono 'cause he's Mister Ego-Face-In-The-Spotlight. What are The Edge's views on globalization? No one really cares.

Of course, none of this matters should you attend a U2 show. Like Fugazi or KISS, experiencing U2's live show may save your life. Too bad U2 isn't doing concerts in any of the places Bono is trying to save...

There've been quite a few good Questions sent to us, and we're still working on them. That means you, Justin.

Tune in Wednesday for your regularly scheduled SFist Answers.

Keep your Questions coming to sfistanswers@gmail.com and we will answer them once this whole holiday-ish thing clears up. We blame the solstice.

On with the show.

Q:

A: That version of "Ooh Child" is by The Five Stairsteps, our sources say.

Q: Does yogurt cause you to have gas? ~~~ A. Fanofyourwebsite \ San Francisco

A: After a week of "Study," no perceptible change in gas level was observed. A little phlegmy-er, but not gassier.

May you all have a wondrous holiday season that suits you as well as it can. And should have Questions, you know where to bring 'em!

This week we cover hard drugs, bodily functions, and most agonizing of all -- MUNI.

Keep those questions flowin' to sfistanswers@gmail.com.

Include your question, your name, and your city/neighborhood – just like when you were filling out your craigslist Missed Connections post.

We solve all most as much as we can care to. Hrrm. And awaaay we go!

Q:

This makes no sense from a civic or economic standpoint. What is standing in the way of universal MUNI card purchasing? Can't we introduce a bill or something?? ~~~ Matty \ San Francisco

A: Well, if it wasn't inefficient, haphazardly executed, and a waste of your personal time, it wouldn't be MUNI, would it?

Fast Passes are necessary for so many in this city that it's amazing how hard it is to find them. The whole enterprise is a mess.

A very nice fellow on the MUNI information line helped us with this one.

So, why don't you just sell them through the MUNI booths? "We don't actually have a body to do that," said the voice on the line. Oh. Whuh? "We don't." OK.

Fast Passes are only available from retail vendors (your post offices, supermarkets, tobacconists, etc) from five days before the end of each month, until a few day after the first of the month. Then MUNI takes them back from the vendor. Huh? Yup. "They had a problem with loss or fraud," said my info guy. OK. All Safeways in the city purchase Fast Passes during this period, but only a limited amount.

You can find vendors who sell Fast Passes with this MUNI page, searchable by ZIP code.

During the selling time of the month, a tent is erected inside Montgomery Station from 1PM to 7PM. There, you can buy Fast Passes. Here's MUNI's apology page for that.

To avoid the whole rigmarole, here is the sfvisitor.org page to order a Fast Pass online near the selling time.

So, hey; what would you have us answer? We are your grenadine-swilling Bay Area oracle of the internets, y'all.

As all-encompassing as Dr. John York's ignorance... As omni-present as that one tie of Gavin's... As multi-functional as your winter sweatpants... Whatever you've got, can answer.

The first new column of SFist Answers will burst forth onto SFist this Wednesday full-grown, like Athena from Zeus' noggin.

So let fly!

Do you have some answer that has eluded you for an annoying amount of time?

Do you feel that you need some sort of advice?

Do you need help with something?

Would you like to know what not to do?

Hey, we can answer that! We have a website and everything! Ask us!

Email your question to sfistanswers@gmail.com.

Include your question, your name, and your city/neighborhood – just like when you were filling out your craigslist Missed Connections post.

Your questions will likely be edited for brevity and teh grammmarses. Jerks may be taunted publicly.

The resulting answers to your questions are not guaranteed to do anything or be anything and should not be read at all. You can't sue us. We are untouchable.

But this will rock, and we love ya. So, ask away!

In a world with precious few answers, o gentle SFist reader, we will have some for you.

So!

Do you have some answer that has eluded you for an annoying amount of time?

Do you feel that you need some sort of advice?

Do you need help with something?

Would you like to know what to do?

Hey, we can answer that! We are pro-feshh-ohn-alls! Ask us!

Email your question to sfistanswers@gmail.com.

Include your question, your name, and your city/neighborhood – just like when you were filling out your craigslist Missed Connections post.

Your questions will likely be editing for brevity and gremmmarses. Jerks may be taunted publicly.

The resulting answers to your questions are not guaranteed to do anything or be anything and should not be read at all. You can't sue us. We are untouchable.

But this will rock, and we love you. So, ask away!

We'll solicit y'all for even more questions on Monday, and then we'll have a full-on SFist Answers for you on Wednesday. It'll be fun, right?

Guess we'll answer that for you then.

A friend of SFist writes:

"Someone in my office was just arrested for possession of child pornography. The case has been relatively high-profile in the area. The suspect seemed like a nice guy, and I would never have suspected anything, until he was on the local news. I thought he was in jail, but I guess he's out on bail because he's in the office today. Should I say anything to him, or just pretend he doesn't exist? I'm inclined to pretend he doesn't exist."

Well, friend, here's what we think you should do. Go up to the guy and say "Hey, did you hear how that higher-up in the Homeland Security office was charged with preying on a child?" Now THAT should make him uncomfortable! And possibly make him cry. Or at least go home. Not your problem anymore!

Honestly, innocent until proven guilty should be your attitude, as it is sort of the law. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't give the fella a wide berth. And perhaps a slip a tracking device on him when he's not looking. Just in case.

JS asks us a TWO PARTER, which made us cry, as it seemed difficult:

So I got my first salary job, contradicting the predictions of pretty much everyone from my parents to my college adviser, but it's not like I'm rolling in the cash. I live around Western Addition, basically Alamo Square Park. Besides the Page, which is nice but kinda expensive, where are some decent places to beat down my liver without beating down my wallet?

Also, where can a Southern boy find some f**king decent BBQ around here? That Memphis Minnie's is a buncha bullshit, I swear, and BBQ #2 is good but I like a more molasses sweet sauce.

TG Writes:

Will I get pregnant in the next three months?

Reply hazy -- ask later.

See, folks, sometimes we need more info to give a better answer than that. Of course, with a question like "will I get pregnant," "when will the next earthquake be," "when will the Bay Bridge be finished," etc -- the above is probably the best we'll ever do.

Denise writes:

How can I find out if the Bay Bridge will be closed tonight (3/25/06)? I have to pick someone up at SFO around midnight - I'll be coming from Concord. Hope you can help -

Ack! Sorry we weren't monitoring our email on Saturday, Denise. However, for the future, you can try the following.
-- Try checking your local AM radio stations, like KGO NewsTalk 810 ("Traffic on the eights"), which has frequent updates on traffic conditions.
-- Logon to great general commute/traffic resource, 511.org
-- Specific to the bridge, our state department of transportation has this page set up: http://www.dot.ca.gov/dist4/safer/.

Hope that's helpful. Any readers out in SFist land utilize any other such resources? Feel free to share in the comments section.

MS writes:

I am going to visit a friend who lives in SF . . . She is going to want to take me to lots of cool places to impress me and show me how cool of a city SF is. She has been living in the city about 9 months now. My question is what are two or three (or more) are the coolest/best/strangest/hidden/local/hip/cheap/dive places/stores/bars/cafes/restaurants that she has probably never heard of that I can casually take her and impress/baffle her?

Good question. And, dude, you've come to the right place. SFist is a great resouce for all of the above; however, this is going to involve your own research. After all, your tastes are your own.

If it were us: We love Aux Delices for Vietnamese food on Polk St. I recommend spicy papaya and squid salad. We dig Little Star Pizza on Divisidero; reasonably priced and very good (it's pizza you eat with a fork, not Domino's style). Visitors we've had have enjoyed "Specs" on Columbus Avenue, North Beach and Trad'r Sam's in the Richmond for horribly divey, cheesy, yet powerful tiki drinks. Finally, on the perhaps-too-pricy side, we always like to take someone for a single drink at the Carnelian room, just for the view (that's about $10 a pop and you have to dress a little nice, but you can't beat a drink at the top floor of SF's tallest building).

Resouces for your own SFist-based research after the jump.

Marie-Christine asks:

I'm French, living in Paris and working for an IT company. I'm organizing a business tour (15 people aged 35 to 55) . . . spending 2 nights over SF on Feb 15 & 16. I know you are not a travel agency but I thought you might be able to give me advices : I'd like to find a place where we could have dinner or a drink, where there are no tourists. In fact, I'm looking for the last place where to go out in SF, just to do as the SF people do (when in Rome...). Do you think you could help ?

Well, of course we can help! In general, stay away from Union Square, Fisherman's Wharf, and most of China Town and North Beach--these places are tourist-heavy (though they do have some great places to eat and drink). Beyond that, if you want to do it like locals do, we recommend visiting Web sites that cater to locals, where the citizens themselves can leave opinions. Try Yelp, for instance; people that post comments are not shy about pointing out what's good or bad about a place, and they'll often mention the tourist factor. Another great resource? Look through some of the reviews here on SFist, particularly those written by our restaurant reviewers Sam and Ced (who originally hails from your neck of the world, in fact). One thing -- if you are avoiding places that cater to tourists, you'll find that your transportation options and convenience may be more limited as well. But, as you said, "when in Rome . . ."

In our comments section a few weeks back, a commenter known as "Anthony" asked

We try our best here at SFist Answers, but we have two very real limitations:

1) If y'all don't ask us questions, we have nothing to answer; similarly, the more questions we get, the more we're able to cherry-pick the interesting ones. (That's our not-so-subtle appeal for some emails to sfistanswers@sbcglobal.net).

2) Some questions are pretty complicated and have some variable factors--it's often impossible to lead you to the end of the journey in a one shot. However, to badly paraphrase a cliche, the journey of 1,000 miles begins with the first step. In other words, leading you to the next step, is sometimes as much as we can do.

In that very spirit, let's get into the first question for this week. EB writes:

As long as I have lived in my present house, there's been a vacant lot a few doors down. It looks like someone intended to build something there and lost interest (or money) as the posted permit is several years out of date.

The other day it occurred to me that maybe I could buy it and build on it, myself! I guess my first step would be to make an offer on the lot from the present owner . . . but I'm not sure how to go about doing that.

Great question -- and one of those we can't answer 100% at this time. Your first step? Contact a title company (Chicago, Stewart, etc.). Ask for customer service. Just give them the address and they should be able to give you the owners' names and mailing address at the very least. Write us back with what you find out, and we'll help you with the next step, too.

Another reader, TP, asks:

I am wondering if have a listing of places in San Francisco that give you free stuff on your birthday (food, movies, drinks, etc...) Thanks.

Well, don't thank us yet, TP. Because, no -- we don't have that, you cheap bastich. We say that lovingly, we are a cheap bastich ourselves. Nor, unfortunately, were we able to track one down. However, we'd offer these two bits of advice: