The reported cases of metal theft around the Bay Area are getting increasingly elaborate, it seems. What started out as opportunistic copper wire theft, ripping off Facebook, BART and even state parks, eventually blossomed in to stealing commemorative plaques, large statues and even church bells. In the latest incident, three thieves werebusted after sailing up Islais Creek in search of a bounty at the Hunters Point Shipyard, which we're pretty sure makes them modern day local pirates.

According to the Examiner, the three salty seadogs (seriously, look at those mugshots) were nabbed in an ambush set up by officers from the Bayview Station along with UCSF police. Thieves have apparently been pulling up boats and stealing tools, wire, pipes and other recyclables of value at the shipyard, and Saturday night's sting operation was the first attempt to ward off the seafaring attacks.

After laying in wait for over seven hours, cops spotted the three suspects docking their boat along a seawall in the shipyard where 58-year-old Alphonso Muhammed and 47-year-old Michael England hopped out and broke in to a nearby building. Their accomplice Nalinle Ignacio kept an eye on their getaway vessel. Once the cops heard the sounds of power tools grinding away, they moved in and found the scalawags attempting to make off with armfuls of "large pipe valves" — not the most glamorous treasure, but these guys take what they can get, we suppose.

Anyhow, the two men made a break for it — one even tossed his bounty in the creek before diving in himself, only to find the cops waiting for him on the getaway boat. Like any good pirate vessel, their boat even had a history of running illegal operations. Authorities said the boat is owned by another man who was previously arrested on felony charges.
The three suspects were all hit with charges of burglary, conspiracy and possession of stolen property. UCSF police were involved because the University's hospital currently under construction in Mission Bay has repeatedly been stripped of metal goods by seafaring thieves. As the Examiner points out, however, they missed a real opportunity by not making off with the multi-million dollar America's Cup catamarans currently housed nearby at Pier 80.

Update: As commenter Malcove Magnesia pointed out, KRON4's Stanley Roberts, owner of one of the best newsman voices ever, is taking credit for the bust. Whether you believe that or not, his "People Behaving Badly" segment is local news gold:

Previously: All metal/copper theft coverage on SFist.
[SFEx]
[Chron]

Someone put this man out of his misery. This is just...sad.

It seems that NBC 11 caught Bill O'Reilly's film crew taking in the (non)X-rated partying that went on at last Saturday's Erotic Exotic Ball. This week he'll devoted an entire segment to the annual "sexy" Halloween fete, and even have the ball’s founder, Perry Mann, on as a guest.

San Francisco has angered conservatives around nation over the last couple of months. Such antics as giving Communion to the wrong kind, failed Blue Angels banning, The Last Supper parodying, and breathing, have helped O'Reilly set his old-man lasers on SF now more than ever before. Clearly, hate for little old us is ratings gold over at The O'Reilly Factor.

But the Erotic Exotic Ball, Bill? Really? The ball is pretty tame compared to other events here in SF that you can sink your fangs into. With all due respect to its founder, the Erotic Exotic Ball is a mere powder puff of an event. It's a Halloween party where women wear boas and pink furry cowboy hats. It's an event where couples still use the pimp-ho theme as a basis for costumes. For God's sake, it's a bash where people still insist on dressing up as pirates.

But leave it to Bill O'Reilly to be five steps behind the world at large. Go get 'em, tiger.


Image: NBC11

Giants 3 Dodgers 1- We have no explanation for yesterday's trade of Matt Morris to the Pirates. Not that it doesn't make sense for the Giants, but what the hell were the Pirates thinking? Considering the Giants also snagged Jason Schmidt oh so long ago for Armando Rios and Ryan Vogelsong, both currently residing in the Where Are they Now Files, one wonders what sort of mojo Sabean has on the Buccos. As for the deal, the big thing is the Giants just said goodbye to about $13.5 million in unpaid bills which will go probably for some big free agent signing during the offseason (hmmm...ARod?). The dude they picked up, Rajai Davis, seems like a nice enough fellow but appears to be nothing more than a younger Dave Roberts. The deal has to be considered a nice one, but still, we can't but feel a wee bit jealous of all the Rangers fans out there who get to look at all the shiny new prospects they just acquired. Ahh….to have all sorts of pretty new prospects, all of which is kind of why we were kind of down for trading Noah Lowry for some really good position players, but then Lowry pitched another stellar game, and well, nevermind.

A's 7 Tigers 3- The Athletics won their first game in five tries as a six run sixth inning gave them the game. Taking the victory was Dan Haren who is now a gaudy 13-3. Unlike the Giants, the A's did not make any moves making us wonder if Beane just considers this year a mulligan. A's fans, meanwhile, are already thinking about tomorrow and dreaming of '08.

This week's Big Movie: ! It’s a real surprise how divided the critics are about this one! Sure it’s franchising, sure it’s full of top shelf men in designer clothes and high-end accoutrement, but we thought it was all kicks and giggles. Groucho Reviews's Peter Cavanese however, says, “the plot of Thirteen is old, old news.”

Many, like Roger Ebert, expressed their exhaustion with this trope -- Scott Floundas of the Village Voice Media Collective went as far as to say that “this time the con is on the audience," and the Bay Guardian found Ellen Barkin's role somewhat sexist. Your local mainstream media critics, though (The Chron's Mick LaSalle, the Examiner's Rossiter Drake, and the Merc News's Bruce Newman) all thought it was perfectly fine.

We’re none too grouchy. Admittedly slick and shiny and lots of other bad sounding words for “expensive,” the film is still fun. It’s witty and clever and makes no real effort to pull the wool over your eyes. It’s really just expecting you to be on your toes. Maybe fitting we describe the film in clichés? Hard to say. Direction is still high grade (Soderberg after all), acting is great, the storyline of this one was more endearing than the others, even with all the love interest and family tension those others involved. However, the critics aren’t saying much about the film’s fuzzy points.

Filmstew.com’s Richard Horgan was a touch more charitable, writing, “It’s not as good as the first, better than the second," while SlashFilm's Peter Scierra was like, it's all kind of unbelievable, but not unfun either. Hm. That’s just what we thought of Pirates 3.

This may become one of those films that’s loved by fans and speared by critics. A reviewer on the Brisbane-based Rotten Tomatoes, Susan Granger, even called it a “guilty pleasure.” Few things get the critics sharpening their pencils faster.

SFist Sara, contributing.

Like "Pirate Master" for instance! This show screams executive pitch: "It's 'Survivor' meets Pirates of the Caribbean!" But being that we're only (semi) fans of one of those (the one without Johnny Depp), we can't say we were too excited to watch it. In fact, if there wasn't a "local" involved, it's doubtful we would have bothered at all. That local is named Nessa, and she's from Berkeley.

Aside from loving the "Pirates" ride at Disneyland, and having some fun playing The Secret of Monkey Island years ago, the whole "pirate" thing just never held much appeal. Which probably has a lot to do with the constant groans and eye-rolling we were doing through much of the show. The cast were all decked out in "pirate gear," (lots of head scarves and jewelry) and were told they'd live on an actual pirate ship and search for buried treasure. Someone named Jay, in an interview, talked about how he was like a modern-day pirate in real life. Selling auto parts is totally like being a pirate, because he's "relieving people of their money!" Other cast members of note were John, the "scientist/exotic dancer" and Louie the "annoying fat guy."

The current contribution to the mass spoon-feeding that is the summer blockbuster schedule is . Not as strong as the first film and far stronger than the second (which stunk like dead kraken), World’s End is 168 minutes of pee-inducing ocean battles.

Don’t think we’re hacking it; there's good in it too, in particular a slant towards pagan faiths that’s rather fascinating (if you can overcome the silliness with which it’s depicted) and a number of exciting hand to hand combats. We also found the political framework fairly clever and surprisingly under-explored. Local film blogger Nick Schager at Slant Magazine likened the introductory conflict to the Patriot Act. A row of shackled, (huddled masses) stand in line to be hung as baddie Lord Becket announces the suspension of their previously established rights.

Hmmm, what could that be a ham-handed metaphor about? As The Chronicle’s Mick La Salle says: “Wait. Does that mean if we like habeas corpus, we're supposed to like "Pirates 3," too?”

Overall, POTC: AWE is good to satisfy the 10-year-old boy in us (presuming we all have one inside us) and if you use the bathroom in advance and abstain from soda during, the 168 minutes will pass with only two or three glances at your watch. We like habeas corpus, though.

Going to see POTC:AWE? See it at the Balboa!

If you've ever wondered what the Weather Underground and The Book of Jeremiah could have in common, then check out the innovative new production from Berkeley-based theater company, Just Theater.

We don't claim to know a whole lot about theater (although, yes, we did have a solo line in the Pirates of Penzance in the 7th grade), but we can't stop talking about the plays and readings coming from Just Theater this past year. And while yes, we do personally know some of the Just Theater folk -- we didn’t know they could do such cool stuff. We left I Have Loved Strangers feeling half-inspired/amazed, half-disturbed/ provoked, all-around impressed. Not a bad way to spend 75 minutes.

Before I Have Loved Strangers even started, producer Molly Aaronson-Gelb came out and spoke about the play, explaining that there won’t be any easy-to-follow narrative (a sort of ‘heads up, you might get a little confused’). We appreciated the advance notice, because there were definitely scenes that didn’t always make sense, but we just rode those out (it’s worth it).

Let's get everyone ready for tonight's big Warriors Game.

-Golden State of Mind is PSYCHED for tonight's game.

-Deadspin points out that only the Pittsburgh Pirates have had a longer playoff drought than the Warriors.

-Nellie reminds everyone of the old Klingon Proverb that revenge is a dish best served cold.

-He also wants to remind everyone that they're not in the playoffs just yet and is kind of nervous about all this.

-So is this guy.

-Should the Mavs have sat down all of their starters in last night's game?

-And was it all done to avoid the Warriors in the playoffs?

“...the game is still wins and losses. The Pirates led the league in ERA in 1989 or around there. They finished last. I guarantee you those pitchers would have rather had wins. You don't send a pitcher out to the mound and say 'get a good ERA.' You want him to win games. A good ERA might come with wins, but the wins and losses are the most important. If you had a guy with a .001 ERA but never won a game and another guy had a 3.5 ERA and won 25 games, who would you give the award to? Wins and losses is the column that matters most.”

We’d like to submit Danny Haren’s early 2007 stats for review, just for kicks. Haren is 0-2, with a ERA after two games. He’s given up one earned run in thirteen innings, and for the A’s, has done everything possible for them to win his first two starts, well, except win.

Call us crazy, but I think Haren’s ERA might be better indicator of how he’s pitched so far this season than his win total. We can draw the obvious comparison to another starter we’re familiar with, who is also 0-2 in this early season, and if we’re going to cherry-pick a small sample size, who better to compare than Oakland’s aces? Barry Zito is also 0-2, with an 8.18 in eleven innings, or in other words, 10 earned runs in those 11 innings. Who was the better pitcher in those two games? Haren, and it’s not even close.

We think Joe Morgan might have it backwards. A good ERA doesn’t necessarily come with wins; wins come with a good ERA/WHIP, and good offensive production from your team. Good pitchers will sometimes lose a 1-0 game (Hi, Roger Clemens!), and it doesn’t make them a bad pitcher, or ‘not a winner’. It means the pitcher they faced had a better day, or the pitcher had all the run support of the A’s offense so far. And let’s be honest; Haren, as the new A’s #1, went up against Felix Hernandez and John Lackey. I daresay that his opponents might have had to more to do with his record than does his ‘inability to win’.

However, on the bright side, Harden may steal some wins simply by being the early number three starter, and not facing the caliber of pitchers that Haren will. Of course, with off-days and such, this advantage will be gone in a couple of weeks, but the opportunity is there for Harden, who is thinly disguised as a number three starter. Either way, these two pitchers for the A’s are sure going to be fun to watch!

By SFist Christy

After two issues, "Pirates" is shaping up to be a really gorgeous book, with a sort of headstrong style that reminds us of Jamie Hewlett (the artist for Gorillas and Tank Girl). Rival gangs of reckless hobo teenagers live crazy careless lives on and around Coney Island, modeling their dialect and values on those of old-timey pirates while battling cops and each other and, most likely, inner demons. First let us say: the only thing cooler than the art are the fierce characters, who all posses the kind of a charismatic strength that makes you want to follow them right off a pier. Next, let us say: is this comic maybe not in the very best of taste?

Old-timey pirates lived horrible, perilous, desperately short lives, leeching off of society without ever deliberately providing anything in return. It's fun to romanticize them now, since their danger is gone and they don't exist, with kitchy movies and skull flags and days whereupon we all talk about barnacles. That's what the kids in "Pirates" are doing: filling their days with marauding and eyepatches and "yo ho ho," and it's all very fun. But. They're also homeless kids, and in real life, they'd be living horrible, perilous, desperately short lives while leeching off of society, too. And we can't help but feel like it's a little crass to be romanticizing an awful way of life that's still, even now, slowly and unpleasantly killing the people who live it.