Listen up, chosen ones: After finishing your orders of beef & broccoli and won tons at your favorite Chinese restaurant, why not celebrate the "birth" of "Jesus Christ" in the Mission with other like-minded souls? HEEB magazine, purveyors of all things hip and Jewish, is throwing a party for SF Jews, as well as the ones who love them, on Christmas Eve. The party is called Heebonism and it all goes down at the Make Out Room.

What will the non-festivities feature? This: DJs Afro Samurai and Avraham Tendler Jr. spinning all night long, the "coolest, hippest, wildest Jews in SF," strip dreidel (oy), gift bags, photo booth with props and a live photographer, excessive noshing from Sugar Cafe, debauchery, and other other surprises.

What: Heebonism
Where: Make Out Room (3225 - 22nd Street, San Francisco)
When: December 24
Time: 8 p.m. to 3 a.m.
How Much: $10

Similar to what Luna Park offered a week or so ago, the Mission's district's Pan-Latin cuisine has a pretty nifty deal going on right now. "Just book a reservation with us thru our website and we'll gift you certificates for the check amount," Charanga's site explains. "So, if your tab is $50, you get $50 in GIFT CERTIFICATES. $100? We'll do the same! Every day thru Dec. 23rd, ALL reservations, ALL amounts, ALL tabs."

They've been around for 12 years, make a Cuban sandwich to shoot someone for, and have a decent happy hour. So: Joy.

Over in the elite section of San Franciso's Historic Mission District, Pi Bar opened its doors last month. And it's garnering rave reviews. Well, SFGate's Janny Hu liked it, anyway.

The vibe? " More brew pub than pizzeria," while jumping on the dark wood bandwagon. The scene? "Very local. Plenty of Mission hipster types." (Wait, what does "hipster" even mean these days? Aside from a kneejerk response from those outside the 18-to-25-year-old age bracket and folks who intentionally dress down, that is.) Pizzas? "Pies start at $14 for a 15-inch small, plus $2.50 for house-made meats and $1.50 for veggies."

Cheap! Ish.

And the best part of Pi Bar? "The aptly re-named pi*r*squared deal gets you a cheese slice and a pint of beer for, you guessed it, $6.28. It's available during the 3-6 p.m. happy hour," reports Hu.

Pi Bar is at 1432 Valencia St. (at 25th Street). Open 3 p.m. to midnight daily.

Last night at 16th and Valencia around 7 p.m.-ish, a man climbed atop a building and threatened to jump. The incident stopped a Trauma shoot, which was filming in the area.

According to commenters at Mission Mission, the man called off his suicide threat around midnight. Whew.

The Mission elite, of course, were none too thrilled at the distraught man's plight. In addition to shutting down Trauma, the man's desperate cry for help closed down nearby taquerias, Casanova, and "everything between 16th and 17th."

Early this morning around 1a.m., a man was stabbed on 22nd and Bartlett. The victim, who was "found wounded and taken to San Francisco General Hospital," is expected to live. Police arrested a man in connection with the stabbing. (CBS 5/BCN)

A new sign outside a 16th & Mission business appears to be prohibiting flatulence on or near the premises. The provenance for the sign, or the recent need for such prohibitions in the vicinity, are unclear, and it seems to have residents confused -- nay, outraged! As Mission Mission puts it, "Farts basically act as a perfume at 16th and Mission, so don't hate."

Full size image after the jump.

Once more of a locals/dyke bar -- though "Mango" still keeps the ladies coming (and coming) in droves -- over the years El Rio has turned into a popular spot for the PRB-swilling set who flock there night after night to see choice local bands and DJs ease them into the wee hours of the morning. Tonight, El Rio 31 years of keeping the Mission alive and thumping. The place will get packed quickly, so you might want to head over there, like, now. Right now.

What's in store? Live performances by Judea Eden (who will sing a set of blues standards, including Etta James, Dinah Washington, Billie Holiday), Sang Matiz (South American, Caribbean, European), and Axton Kincaid. They've also got plenty of cheap booze for your sickly liver and heaps of tasty BBQ for your hungry mouth.

Half of tonight's bar proceeds will go to CUAV (Community United Against Violence, the nation’s first LGBTQQ anti-violence organization.) Be there.

What: El Rio's 31's Anniversary
When: Tonight
Where: 3158 Mission Street (at Precita), SF
Time: 8 p.m. (but you can head over there early to get your drink on.)
Cost: free

"[Insert Gunshots Here]" by Plug 1.

Leave work early if you can, folks. Tonight (and every Friday night) El Rio is giving away free Tomales Bay oysters. the protein slurping starts at 5:30 p.m. Mmm. Now go. (Mission Mission, via Grub Street)

Mission Mission has come across a jarring display of pure, unadulterated hate. The Mission's favorite place to eat tapas and swig sangria, Cha Cha Cha, is a mariachi-free zone. No! We love the colorful mariachi bands that come into taquerias to disturb us while we're eating our flautas. Why can't the same thing happen while we're eating our cajun shrimp and warm spinach salad?

Pft.

Obviously, the smooth stylings of San Francisco's mariachi bands aren't for everyone. Then again, we cannot imagine them trying to make their way into Foreign Cinema, just as we can't see them throwing down their choice beats inside McDonalds. Alas, the mariachi band isn't for every establishment.

SATURDAY/MISSION: At around 9:40 p.m. at 14th and Mission streets, someone was stabbed. The victim was transported to San Francisco General Hospital to be treated for non-life threatening stab wounds. No arrests have been made, no suspect info is available.

SUNDAY/TENDERLOIN: A man was shot in the hand at Eddy and Taylor streets. The wounded man was taken to San Francisco General Hospital and is expected to survive. No arrests have been made.

SUNDAY/RICHMOND: Another car set ablaze.

Cheeky "BBC correspondents" Edvan Cinque Terra and Darvid Tokishi take the piss out of Mission hipsterdom, "a culture where apathy is considered sexually attractive" (hm, sounds pretty British to us, too) in the above video. Dolores Park, t-shirts adorned with "important political discourse," and the defeat of the American Apparel store by people in tight clothing are all covered in the report.

[Via Laughing Squid]

Oh oh.

Also, remember when San Francisco artists used to know that they lived in a city with grime and/or grit? Granted, Valencia Street is, for better or for worse, an affectedly edgier Pacific Heights as of late; but it's still in the Mission, so tagging is pretty prevalent. Then again, who knows -- maybe this will do the trick?

Hat tip: Mission Mission

The dainty gents at Mission Mission have word that this dog, at left, is missing. This dog, named Chirpa, is tiny and cute -- two of SFist's favorite things. And worse, he might have been stolen.

We cannot allow this to happen.

Please help find Chirpa, won't you?

According to his owner's Facebook page, "Chirpa disappeared Sunday night at 2am at 18th and Capp Street. We are very concerned for his well being and believe that he may have been stolen. He has medicine that he needs to take. Cash Reward for his safe return ASAP!"

If you know the whereabouts of this lovely pooch, check Chirpa's Facebook page for contact information.