When Steve Hays was voted "Best DJ" in SF Weekly's 2011 readers poll, it caused a minor uproar among local entertainers. How could Hays, who performs as DJ Purple, beat out the city's deep house and vinyl-spinning trendsetters? DJ Purple, after all, isn't exactly a DJ. He's a karaoke DJ.

"There was chatter among the house music DJs that they were pissed," recalls Jamie Jams, a DJ known for events like Debaser and Last Nite. "But I've seen a lot of those fools at his karaoke nights, and they know he's amazing."

Karaoke DJs, or KJs, aren't typically known for musicianship, although plenty are enthusiastic music fans and singers themselves. They hit play on requests, collect tips, and maybe grab a drink at the bar while singers do the dirty work. But Purple, who celebrates 10 years of his "Dance Karaoke" shows with an anniversary event tonight at Slate bar, is easily the hardest working performer in the room at any of his events — and maybe, with a grueling, full-time performance schedule, in the Bay Area altogether.

Purple is a one-man backing band, pulling instruments like a harmonica, cowbell, or his signature saxophone out of thin air to play singers through typically awkward instrumental sections. He's also a sound man, mixing levels to make you sound better than they you do to yourself in the shower. And then, in a flash, he's an effects wizard, flipping on lights and lasers and blasting a dramatic fog geyser machine. Of course, Purple is also a DJ, constantly curating his book of upbeat songs — no depressing heartbreak ballads here — and playing requests according to flow and genre rather than in the order they're submitted.

"You can't front on Purple," says Jamie, who now admits to secretly campaigning for him to win the SF Weekly award.

Steve Hays was born in New Jersey and came to the Bay Area to attend Stanford before dropping out twice to pursue music. "The second time kind of stuck," he says. Hays started playing clarinet in third grade, then moved to saxophone, later learning guitar and piano. In the '80s, as was the fashion, he taught himself to program drum machines and synthesizers. "I'd played in bands for most of my life, but there was a period where it got harder and harder," says Hays. "Keeping a band together, it's hard." As DJing gained popularity, Hays adopted his moniker — college friends called him Purple Hays after the Hendrix song — and found better pay with regular DJ gigs. But eventually, he got bored. "There's no performance," Hays complains. "As a DJ you're just kinda there."

But as a karaoke DJ, with a rotating cast of singers, Purple endeavors to take the best aspects of both disciplines. "His mission in life is to fix everything that's wrong with karaoke," says Jamie. There's plenty to address. First, that pesky instrumental solo. "Most singers are like, what do I do now?" says Purple. "Over the years I've found so many ways to step in and keep the show going." In some cases, that means learning new instruments. Purple recently started playing recorder specifically for the solo on "Wild Thing" by the Troggs — "It just doesn't sound right on the saxophone."

At Purple's regular Thursday night show at Slate last week, which was well attended by an energetic young crowd, some dressed up for the occasion, I was particularly impressed by the the variety of new songs in his book. The list is ever-changing, though the rules are always the same: "Every song I put in the book needs to keep people on the dance floor and interested," says Hays. New numbers aren't just carefully vetted — Purple needs to learn them. That means, for example, he can break into the instrumental solo on the Chainsmokers "Closer" without missing a beat, as he did to the delight of the bros singing it last week. "Part of my job is to know what songs are out, and reviewing them, to ask if they're going to have enough energy," Purple says. "I'll try to listen to it and say, 'is there an instrumental solo, what instrument am I gonna play?'"

There are some songs Purple expects to hear every night he performs: "Don't Stop Believing," "Sweet Caroline," and "Mr. Brightside," to name a few. But others in the book are sometimes overlooked. "Every Time We Touch" by Cascada, for example, has a sax solo he loves performing, and as a big fan of The Who, he'd be "super happy" if someone would sing "Won't Get Fooled Again." He's also a fan of Muse, performing one of their songs in a surreal moment with the comedian Craig Robinson on the Sketchfest stage during Outside Lands last year.

"There's nothing in the world like a DJ Purple show," says Allan Hough, editor of the blog Mission Mission and a longtime Purple fan. The collective effect of Purple's talents make him the host of a party, one where people happen to ask for, and then perform, song requests as friends and strangers cheer, sing, and dance along.

Purple's crowds ebb and flow at his weekly shows, Tuesday in North Beach, Wednesday in Redwood City, and Thursday in the Mission, with private events in between. But he's achieved massive attendance at some events, like a collaboration series called "Singin' & Pingin" with Hough's Berlin-style ping-pong league. "One of the best moments of my life was the time at a Singin' & Pingin' at Z Space where there were about 700 people in attendance," Hough remembers. "It was the month "Get Lucky" came out, and DJ Purple invited literally everyone to come up for a singalong. I'd say 100 people swarmed the stage and it was awesome."

Dance Karaoke started more humbly, at a down-and-out dive bar called Jack's Club. Ask any early 2000s Missionite about it and they'll get a faraway look in their eye. "The deal with Jack's," Jamie explains, "is it was this struggling, working class, open up at 6 in the morning kinda bar, where everyone there just got outta jail or the hospital. It was there forever, but we were just starting to go in 2005." Deep in the Mission past Potrero, "It was just far enough away that almost no customers would go, and just dangerous enough that you weren't really sure if you should, either."

The bar's owners had hired younger punk types for staff, and desperate to attract customers, asked them to help fill the space anywhere they could. Jamie was one of the first to book illegal, non-permitted DJ nights at the the bar, and when a popular punk venue closed, Jack's started booking full-on shows. "It was a madhouse," he recalls, "the neighbors banging on the ceiling, the bass rippling through the walls."

After years of evading police in a cat-and-mouse game, SFPD made clear to Jack's owners that no punk shows would be allowed, and no DJ nights, either. But to keep patrons, the bar would say yes to almost anything else. One of those things was Purple. "Karaoke was this loophole to continue having events at the bar," Jamie explains. "That," he says, "is the birth of Purple."

"Jack's is where I landed and everything sort of started," Purple recalls. "10 years ago was my first night, and it became this sort of phenomenon. It's this tiny little place, but part of the magic of it was it always felt full." The first several years at Jack's are some that Purple recalls as his heyday. "It was the golden era. There were a lot of creative people in the area, and the rent wasn't so high. The amount of energy and enthusiasm people put into the nightlife and performances was great."

Purple wasn't a hit right away. "It started with skepticism," Jamie recalls. "He's a tall, skinny, nerdy guy with glasses. Everything about it was like "who is this guy?" But Purple worked hard — "He just played a million great shows and the whole thing built cause of his relentless grind." By 2008, says Jamie, the phenomenon was undeniable.

Hough recalls those Thursdays at Jack's: "Mission kids and DJ Purple fanatics from down the peninsula and beyond, drinking mini-pitchers of Busch and packing the place to the hilt. I feel like you don't see crowd surfing in dive bars in SF anymore... so sad."

With Jack's a memory as distant as crowd surfing in dive bars, Purple has now performed at Slate on Thursdays for about five years. "It's taken a while to build up [the crowd] at a bigger place like [Slate]," says Purple. "When I came to Slate, at the time, I was thinking like, this will be just like a bigger version of Jack's. That was really the transition. But there was a big exodus from San Francisco at the time, and it was hard to [draw a crowd]. For a while there it was kind of a let down. Where's the magic?"

Patty West, who owns Slate, says she's noticed "a steady group of regulars" by now. "We have specific birthday and bachelorette groups that come in, often dressed up — a veil, tiara, a cake maybe. They don't tell us, they just show up," she says, which is fine with her. To keep a following going in the events business, consistency is king, and West calls Purple "the ultimate professional." Not just DJ Purple, he's roadie Purple, too, carrying all his own equipment. Like a Muni driver in his DJ booth, he'll gladly answer a quick question, but he'd prefer not to chat, and I'm not sure anyone has ever seen him use the bathroom during a set.

While you think he might prefer a vacation, instead, Purple says he'd consider adding a night at the right venue. "On my mind lately is what's next?" he says. Without Hough, whose press coverage and organizing helped catapult Dance Karaoke's popularity, Purple is seeking collaborators and promotional help. According to West, he's also experimenting with new ways to gain a following. "Back in the day, at Jack's, people looked at fliers more — and now no one does. He's started to recognize how important social media is, and so he's getting that out there."

Asked if he misses the golden era, Hough demurs, saying he'd like to think we can all have multiple golden eras. "Can you recapture [Jack's]? I don't think so, exactly. But the epic sound system and proper nightclub vibes at Slate definitely suit DJ Purple's show. He looks like Calvin Harris or somebody up there in the big DJ booth." There are, for the record, seven Calvin Harris songs in DJ Purple's songbook, as well as several by The Who.

It's Etiquette Week at SFist, in which SFist's editors dole out some prescriptive advice for how to behave in this city we all share in order not to overly annoy, offend, or otherwise piss off your fellow citizens. Please read carefully.

Karaoke, which is undeniably an art, is also, I would argue, something of a science. Practiced according to a few principles, anyone is more than capable of putting on a show that will delight friends and amuse strangers. While San Francisco is host to plenty of Broadway castaways and torch singers still carrying on with their craft, don't be intimidated by a couple of ringers. It shouldn't take the best pipes in the room or the best ear — although a general sense of pitch would be nice — to put your name in.

If you're looking to get your feet wet for the first time, or if you really do suffer from stage fright that can't be cured by the two drink minimum at The Mint, then angle to book a private room, such as those at YamaSho or Pandora. There, the rules don't apply — have at it, kid. But if you're doing karaoke at a bar, in front of people you don't know, with a roaming karaoke DJ (or KJ) at a bar or dedicated karaoke joint, be advised:

Song Choice
The most important thing about karaoke happens before you get on the mic. The simple rule here is to choose a song you know and love. Also, if it isn't in the book, they don't have it, or don't want you to do it, or wouldn't want you to if they did, so no need to inquire.

From there, ask yourself this: Will anyone else enjoy this song? Although Karaoke therapy is real and I definitely am a practitioner, you're not in front of a group just for your own good. You want to have fun — do pick a fun song! — and let others share in it. Don't do that System of a Down song you, for whatever reason, privately cherish. Instead, lean toward a crowd-pleaser.

Remember, you'll be in the crowd most of the night — that's how this arrangement works. That might actually be the guiding principle for all of this! So imagine picking a song that people would like even if you had a coughing fit onstage, just because it's a good song.

Furthermore, a song is best if you're used to singing it — belting it out in the car or shower — and know most of the words already. Sure, you'll have a teleprompter with the words, but familiarity is key.

Also, please, you poor souls, don't do a ballad unless you've really got the chops or are going to fake it so well that everyone is roaring. No one wants to hear you do Whitney if you don't actually enjoy singing.

Final note on song choice, but this is huge and could be its own post: Don't do a song that you even suspect might be overdone, and absolutely do not do a song that has already been done that evening. Don't do "Semi-Charmed Life." Don't do "Summer Nights." Don't do "Hotel California." Don't do “Baby Got Back.” And, please do stop believin', because you better not do "Don't Stop Believing." The list goes on (see you in the comments).

Tip Your KJ/DJ
You absolutely must tip when you put in a song choice, every time you sing. After you're done singing, no need to tip because you already did. And with your tip, more is more. While I'm not advocating bribery, nor am I saying that the fine folks making karaoke happen are open to it, I'm saying that a five is worth more than a one. That said, should you put in a $20 and expect to be up next? You should not.

Bust a Move
Secret's out: Karaoke is not about singing. It's about interpreting or performing a song. So please, by all means, get into it! Do a couple moves — however poor your dancing is, it all adds to the comedy that makes karaoke great. Karaoke should, in my strong opinion, be funny, and if not funny, then at least fun.

Don't Hog The Mic
While many places are explicit about this, regardless of where you are, don't put your name in for more than one song at a time. This includes a song for which you are part of a couple or group.

More controversially, it's my opinion that you should not do more than two songs at a karaoke session. Believe me, we get it after two numbers — you're a diva. Unless literally no one else, however abominable, is asking to get on the mic, don't sing that third song! Think of retiring after two as going out on a **high note**.

Don't Do A Group Song Where You All Sing Every Part
While your drunk friend group will certainly enjoy getting up together for that group rendition of "Sweet Caroline," don't be that group. This really goes back to that principle about knowing and playing to your audience. If you think you can divide up parts or verses, by all means, that might be fun to watch. But everyone, and usually one person louder or more confidently than the rest, belting into one mic? That's only fun for those onstage.

Also, don't do "Sweet Caroline." It's a disgusting song choice punishable by a one-way-trip back to Boston.

Country and Rap?
Country songs and rap songs are totally kosher, but I'm grouping them together here because they're sometimes criticized. One note, though re: Country — if the song is a sad song, ask yourself why are you doing this to everyone at a bar. Many country songs are in fact sad, so just think on that. And also a note for rap: Lots of people know all the words to lots of rap songs, so that alone will not inspire or impress. Also, consider that the song you're thinking of doing might have been a fun, edgy piece of music when Sugarhill Gang performed it, but in the mouth of a twentysomething white boy in 2016, it is very strange, uncool, and wrong.

Miscellany
Songs by Blondie, Bowie, Prince, Lionel Richie, and Harry Belafonte are almost always good. Songs that scream 1980s are usually good. And the all-time best karaoke song is "Return of the Mack" by Mark Morrison. The end.

All previous editions from Etiquette Week 2016.

Whether you want to rock the hell out of Journey or croon the hell out of Journey (there's more to karaoke than Journey, San Francisco!), here are our favorite spots in San Francisco to sing out loud, sing out strong. (Feel free to tell you us personal karaoke song favorite in the comments.)

Playground
This second-floor, Korean-run karaoke parlor and restaurant in Japantown not only has a full Korean food menu (in addition to drunk snacks like garlic fries and popcorn chicken), and a full bar, but they also offer private rooms for the shy songstress among you who needs at least 3 Tsingtaos and an audience of only dear friends before she can belt out "A Whole New World." Drink specials like "Your 5th bottle of soju free!" and "Buy 3 pitchers of Korean beer and get the 4th free" definitely tend to encourage sloppy, sloppy times. Private rooms are $30/hr with a 2-hour minimum, and they accommodate 8 to 20 people, depending on the one you reserve. They recommend calling at least a day ahead (415-929-1471). — Jay Barmann (favorite karaoke duet: "Islands In the Stream")
1705 Buchanan (at Post)

Festa
This bar and karaoke lounge is hidden in plain sight inside the Japantown mall, but its unassuming nature lends itself to casual acts of impulsive karaoke. There are no career karaoke artists hanging 'round, so expect more of an amateur crowd belting out favorites in front of the signature city lights backdrop. Though it's never a destination, Festa is always the place you end up while you were on your way somewhere else. — Rose Garrett (favorite karaoke songs: "Jolene," "You Make Me Wanna")
1825 Post, #210 (at Post)

Crooning along to KJ Paul.

Anything hosted by KJ Paul
With four nights a week around town, Karaoke Jockey Paul is part entertainer, part DJ and part sound engineer who will make sure the sound system matches your impeccable set of pipes. Our karaoke ringer prefers the vibe KJ Paul brings to the glowing back patio at El Rio on Wednesdays, but you can't go wrong with at Dalva, the Lookout, Toad Hall, or your own private gig. — Andrew Dalton (favorite karaoke song: "...Baby One More Time")
Sunday - Wednesday, various bars. Or for private hire. KJPaul.com

DJ Purple

DJ Purple Dance at Slate
More than just an opportunity to sing in front of a crowd, DJ Purple's roving dance parties makes singers part of a full-on stage show. The songbooks are curated on a nightly basis to keep the party going, so don't expect to drop in and belt out some Celine Dion slow jams, you will get sexy live saxophone solos and over-the-top costumes to elevate the experience. — Andrew Dalton
Thursday nights at Slate (2925 16th Street at South Van Ness) Check the calendar for more Bay Area shows.

Dimples (photo: Yelp)

Dimples
Literally a dive-karaoke joint, we're never quite sure what is happening in the other private rooms at Dimples' subterranean Japantown digs, but that is probably because we were too busy having such a great time belting out "Baby One More Time" and "Smells Like Teen Spirit" over a couple big bottles of Asahi. Bafflingly, you can still smoke here and we're not entirely sure anyone has ever called last call. — Andrew Dalton
1700 Post (at Buchanan)

The Mint (Photo: Jennifer McKay)

The Mint
What can be said about The Mint that hasn't been said before? It's the place in the city to sing karaoke and get lit. It's got an impossibly long and narrow bar, with superbly intimate karaoke section. More fun than the karaoke itself is the angry drunk patrons pissed that the KJ (karaoke jockey) hasn't selected their song. (Hint: you need to tip the guy before you bust out yet another Neil Diamond song.) — Brock Keeling (favorite karaoke songs: "Stoney End," anything by Fleetwood Mac)
1942 Market (between Laguna and Buchanan)

Pause what you're doing and please enjoy as honey-throated 49ers O-lineman Joe Staley and soft-handed tight end Vernon Davis serenade you with their take on Adele's "Someone Like You". (The U.K.'s #1 karaoke song!) Cries of bandwagoneering and homoeroticism aside, this is just delightful.

We wish nothing but the best for you both. (Get it? You get it.)

Thanks, Sally, for the tip.

MUSIC: Master trumpet player Herb Alpert, of the delightfully cheesy Sergio Mendes and Tijuana Brass fame, and his wife, singer Lani Hall will perform an intimate night of American and Brazilian jazz featuring Bill Cantos (piano), Michael Shapiro (drums), and Hussain Jiffrey (bass).

8 p.m. // Yoshi's (1330 Fillmore) // $35, all ages

FILM/MUSIC: The 6th Biennial San Francisco Sex Worker Film, Art and Music Festival, which runs through Sunday, presents their first-ever Whore-A-Palooza. There will be a screening of four short and feature-length films, along with live music and performances and Stripper Karaoke. Anyone can enter the karaoke portion, just email mariko.passion [at] gmail [dot] com to sign up. There will also be a Whore Store set up for you shopping needs.

7 p.m. to 2 a.m. // El Rio (3158 Mission St) // $3-20, sliding scale

DANCE: Learn vintage swing at the Queer Jitterbugs Swing Variety Series, a four-week class that starts the first Tuesday of every month. You don't need a partner or experience, and mixed ages and genders are welcome. No pre-registration required. (You can still drop in on the second Tuesday if you miss the first.) Balboa, Shag, Lindy, Charleston, East Coast and West Coast will all be covered.

7 p.m. // Live Art Gallery (151 Potrero Ave) //$10 per class

*CLUB: Check out Rock Out Karaoke over at Amnesia. What is Rock Out Karaoke? Well, it mean that you will hear neither a Righteous Brothers cover nor a note from everyone's least favorite musical, . And isn't that what you really want in a karaoke night? Of course it is. (Glenny Kravitz hosts.)

READING: Sorry to throw another Valencia Street happening your way, but: author and artist Ian Philips, of Suspect Thoughts Press, reads from his latest illustrated tome, The Rapture for Big Sinners: 66 + 6 Things to Do Before and After the Righteous Lift Off . Oh, and Michelle Tea recommends him, so he can't be all that bad. Head over to Dog Eared Books to check it out.

MUSIC: Howlin Rain describes themselves as "easy listening" rock -- our favorite kind! Catch them tonight over at Bottom of the Hill along with Enablers and East Bay Grease. (Failing that, Rush is over at the Sleep Train Pavilion in Concord!)

FILM: War vets take center stage at the Castro Theatre via screenings Cutter’s Way, where gigolo Jeff Bridges and crippled war vet John Heard plan "an audacious blackmail scheme," and Rolling Thunder, a "pitch-black coming home drama about a Vietnam vet seeking vengeance on a band of murderers."

The listed events were chosen by the editors of SFist and brought to you by the 2009 Toyota Corolla.

-- "Punk Rock Karaoke": Damnit all to hell. We can't believe that we have to miss this: members of the Adolescents, Bad Religion, and NOFX perform live while "singers" drunkenly slur along, karaoke-style. But you shouldn't miss it! Starts tonight at 9 p.m. at 111 Minna Gallery; $10.

-- Red Poppy Art House Holiday Exhibit & Art Sale: According to the Poppy, "this show will feature works from such artists as Addie Shevlin, Todd T. Brown, Judah Thomas, Ella Noe, Nicole Bauguss, Ron Goldin, Indira Urrutia, Hannah Stouffer, Magdalena Romero, Adrian Arias and more! Most pieces be sold for $200 and under. So, swing by, have some wine and snacks and pick up a unique, affordable, original piece of art." Woo hoo! It goes from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. at the Red Poppy Art House; free.


Image credit: david / icanhascheezburger.com

--Audacia Ray, the editor of the sex worker zine $pread and a Fleshbot [nsfw] contributor, talks at Modern Times about the commodification of sex on the Internet. 7:30 p.m., 888 Valencia (x 20th)

--Our hero Johnny Funcheap suggests OneNight, an evening of comedy at the Purple Onion featuring local comic Will Franken. 140 Columbus (x Pacific), $5 if you mention funcheap and $10 if you don't, 9 p.m.

--Power Point Karaoke with the Creative Commons Salon! Donate a power point presentation of yours to make someone else give. Party's at Shine (1337 Mission x 9th) at 7 p.m.

--The Museum of the African Diaspora and the SF Black Film Festival present , about a white policeman in South African seeking to atone for killing an anti-apartheid activist. 7:30, 701 Mission (x 3rd), $8.

--And at your local libraries -- Michelle Tea hosts her queer spoken word Radar reading event at the Main (100 Larkin, x Grove), 6 p.m., while at the Park Branch (1833 Page x Cole), rock historian Richie Unterberger (famous for his Beatles research) is screening some of his rare rock movie clips.