Although the billionaire hotelier once allegedly (the help is never a reliable source) uttered the words "only the little people pay taxes," Leona Helmsley today paid her biggest tax bill of all, breathing her last breathe in Greenwich, Connecticut.

One has to hand it to Helmsley for making it all the way to the age of 87. She had a rough time of it in the late '80s with all that tax evasion, employee abuse, and incompetent husband stuff.

And while you may think this sad news has nothing to do with San Francisco, just take a look in that Stern Grove Festival program lying in a pile on your kitchen table. See that annoying, yet whimsical advertisement for Parkmerced? Well, Helmsley used to own the joint. Yeah. Leona sold it in 1999 to people who apparently think a redhead (no offense, Brock) jumping around in a tight t-shirt and the slogan “Welcome Home” is going to entice people to move to a neighborhood even more in the boonies than ours.

Anyway. R.I.P. Leona. Good luck with everything on the other side. And fear not; wealthy vixens are sure to forever abuse the help.

Exploring San Francisco through the lens of city blocks, Blocker is a weekly series by Charles Hodgkins. Look for it on SFist each Wednesday, around the lunching hour.

Blocker, No. 7: Montgomery St. on Telegraph Hill

You know you’re dealing with an isolated stretch of Montgomery St. when a driver can’t reach it without first leaving Montgomery St. And in an addressing quirk that must drive new workers at the North Beach post office bonkers, the northernmost apartment building on this block is actually 303 Greenwich, even though Greenwich as a cross street doesn’t exist here. After all, the only cross traffic up here on the precipitous eastern slope of Telegraph Hill is on foot.

Stunning bay views, folial grandiosity, and hill-hugging construction schemes dominate this block of Montgomery, bookended by the famed Filbert and Greenwich steps. The street itself is a bi-level roadway divided by a tall center wall lined with numerous pine trees, not dissimilar to Lawton St. in Golden Gate Heights, or Arlington Ave. in the Berkeley Hills. It’s designed for neither speed nor mass amounts of auto traffic. Aesthetically, however, it’s nearly unbeatable.

So I decide to call the police because I'm an animal lover and stuff like this makes me crazy. But not only was he going to kill this dog but most likely end up causing God knows how much havoc and accidents on the street. It wasn't a shootout in the Mission but it was incredibly effed up and I'm sure illegal in many ways.

So I call the non-emergency police number I have stored in my phone, which is disconnected. Then I remember 211 and how it is San Francisco's saving grace and the answer to all our problems. All I get is Verizon telling me the number is not in service. I call again, thinking I did something wrong. Same response. []

Then I call 411, ask for a non-emergency number, and they give me 553.0123, connect me, and I get a recording in 27 different languages, and then what sounded like a fax signal with no end. I call again. Same thing.

So I decide to call 911. I figure I'm allowed at this point. I'm put on hold after another recording in 27 languages. I call again. Same thing.

Did our reader ever get to an actual person to report the situation? Find out, after the jump.

at San Jose Center for the Performing Arts
Hell yeah, we'd trek all the way to San Jose to see Molly Ringwald! What self-respecting John Hughes-fanatic/thirty-something would pass that one up? Well, Molly's come a long way since the '80s (haven't we all?), playing on stages here and in Europe, and even making a film in French during her time living in France. And now she's kicking off the national tour of Sweet Charity at American Musical Theatre of San Jose, playing the unluckiest romantic in New York City. We actually got to interview Molly as part of our day job (she's super sweet), and she told us that she just loves the Fellini film the musical's based on. So we Netflixed it. Uh, the musical's probably a lot more fun.
Playing September 19 through October 1

The God of Hell at Magic Theatre
Playwright Sam Shepard got his start at the Magic Theatre back in the late '70s, and he's since put the theater company on the map. He's pretty much its claim to fame, which was renewed in 2000 when Shepard dusted off an old play, The Late Henry Moss, for the company. The play wasn't great, but it starred Sean Penn, Woody Harrelson, Nick Nolte and Cheech Marin, who were the subject of many a theater insiders' rumors. (One classic involved Sean Penn, a crowbar and his dressing room.) The production also prompted a behind-the-scenes film. But we digress. God of Hell is a more recent play, one of many political plays that emerged around the last presidential election. Shepard clearly skewers the current administration in the piece, calling the play a "a takeoff on Republican fascism," and hoped it would have some affect on the voters. Can't imagine there were a heck of a lot of Republicans at the world premiere in Greenwich Village. Can't imagine there are a heck of a lot more here in SF, but hey, even the choir needs some preaching, or at least some catharsis.
Playing September 23 through October 22

A total glamour shot of Molly Ringwald by Andrew Eccles.

For more stage options, check out the listings at the Guardian, the Express, the SF Weekly, and the calendar on Theatre Bay Area's website.

Not one but two articles in the Sunday Chronicle breathlessly report that our very own lady of sorrows Kimberly Guilfoyle made a potentially-cuddly first appearance during Fashion Week with Eric Villency, the host of the show "iVillage" on the Fine Living channel. (Do we even get that channel out here in SF?) Check out Eric's pouty mug to your left.

Villency is a former Calvin Klein and Abercrombie model, and the president of his family's Maurice Villency furniture business. Here's a picture of him in the New York Social Diary with his ex, Olivia Chantecaille. They achieved some sort of notoriety in the social elite when it turned out they'd hired PR reps to place gossip items about themselves in the papers. It's so nice to see that Kim's finally dating someone who loves being in the media.

The reports call Kimmie and Eric an "instacouple," but take note of Eric's statements about his apartment to HGTV! Speaking of the furnishings in his 1800 sq. ft. Greenwich Village apartment, he says, "I don't have it in here if I don't love it." A good sign, Kim, a good sign! Watch out, though -- in an interview with the magazine One 2 One, Eric warns, "My worst relationship was with someone who was very moody and negative. She dwelled on things that didn’t relate to us or her life. She couldn’t be happy with me, because she couldn’t be happy with herself."

Doesn't anyone in the 415 want a Keith Haring mural? A local SoMA day care center for underprivileged youth puts its Keith Haring mural on the block, with no local takers.

Back in 1985, artist Keith Haring painted (for free) a funky, 77 foot mural along the wall of the gym of the South of Market Child Care Center. He painted it in one day, while in town for another project down the street at the former club DV8. Now, the center's lost its lease on the site, and hopes to pay off the $1 million+ costs of building its new facility by selling the mural. Foreign investors have expressed interest but the center wants to keep the work in the Bay Area if at all possible. (The DV8 mural was sold when that building was torn down and is now on display in Italy.)

However, no one in the Bay Area wants to buy it -- with the Fine Arts Museums (the DeYoung and the Legion of Honor) saying it's not Greenwich Village-y enough, and the SFMoMA saying it already has a Haring and doesn't have the space. The UC Museums said they would love to have it at the new UCSF Mission Bay campus, but someone else would need to pony up the actual cash first. (What kind of answer is that, UC? Can't one of those overpaid administrators buy it for you?)

Someone's gotta take this piece! Like one of the kids at the center says, "I like the chicken."