Stephen T. Colbert may not be a CEO, but the Late Night host has an instinct for innovation. His reaction to Facebook's new reaction buttons? He'll take those, Mr. Zuckerberg, and raise you 26 new symbols with which, as his designers explain while aping the accent and affect of Apple's Jonny Ive, you can express all of Shakespeare.

More seriously, Colbert seems to be commenting on the contemporary instinct to hit a button rather than offer a nonce reaction: To elect for a canned response over (literally) spelling out what you think or believe.

So, what do you think? I expect GIFs in the comments.

Related: 'Likes' Are Passé: Facebook's 5 New 'Reaction' Buttons Are Here

On last night's Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert welcomed House Democratic Leader and California's 8th congressional district representative Nancy Pelosi. Although she had previously told Colbert she would never appear on the show, Pelosi showed up to discuss Super PACs, abortion, Rick Santorum, and the Disclose Act. Bonus preface footage: Colbert eating a bowl of Rice-A-Roni and wearing ash on his forehead in honor of Ash Wednesday.

Applause to John's Grill owner John Konstin, who decided to put some money into the arts. When the Maltese Falcon replica displayed in the restaurant was stolen earlier this year, Mr. Konstin offered a $25,000 reward for its return. The heartless culprits were never found, however, and Mr. Konstin decided against buying an inexpensive replica or "fake," as the momentarily-panicked Kasper Gutman termed it in the final moments of the 1941 film. Instead, he commissioned Bay Area sculptor Peter Schifrin to make a new Falcon.

The reports that the new Maltese Falcon has "a fiercer, more realistic look." The sculptor himself characterized the old bird as "parroty or even pigeony."

To quote the famous last word of the film, "Huh?"

The "more falcony" new bird, to our eyes, resembles Stephen Colbert's angry eagle -- not the formerly San Francisco-based baby bald eagle named after Colbert, but the screecher from the Colbert Report credits.

We'll set aside the question of realism -- leave that to the Audobon Society. And the new Falcon is fiercer, perhaps, like the Colbert eagle. But let's not kid ourselves: updating the Falcon itself is as bad an idea as colorizing -- or, no wait, as remaking the film (which Hollywood will surely do one of these days, no doubt). Let's have a contest: what fiercer, more realistic actor should play each of these roles in the less pigeony remake of The Maltese Falcon?

Our suggestions after the jump.

So...there you have it. Go wild with your self-conscious guffawing, Embarcadero Theater audience types!

--A source passes along these pictures of Gavin Newsom and Carole Migden at a Pride event some time back. We saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus!

--Steve Jobs speaks at the Apple Conference today.

--They say the real estate market's cooling off -- but the average single-family home in Noe Valley went for $1.4 million in April. Curbed SF gives you the analysis.

--There's a new Tales of the City book coming out tomorrow.

--The Police are playing the Oakland Coliseum on Wednesday. Meanwhile, the SF Weekly went to BFD.

--No 99 cent stores in Pac Heights!

--SF Metblogs has a cool picture of a huge building tag at Haight and Ashbury.

--John Curley's Flickr resignation from the Chron. We know, we're late putting up the link.

--And a source tells us that Josh Wolf is tomorrow's guest on the Colbert Report.

Drew Altizer does it again! Here's his pictures from Friday's annual SF zoo fundraiser, ZooFest, featuring special guest Tippi Hedren, star of Hitchcock's and mother to Melanie Griffith. Also, some pictures of Chris O'Donnell, who also supports the SF Zoo. (Alas, no pictures of noted SF Zoo eagle parent Stephen Colbert.)

The theme for ZooFest this year was "It's a Jungle Out There," as the zoo opened up the Sloat Street entrance for the evening, with dinner, dancing, and a live auction for such goodies as naming rights for new baby jaguar cubs and a party in the giraffe lounge. Nothing says parties like giraffes!

Hedren is pictured above with zoo director Manuel Mollinedo above. Chris O'Donnell is after the jump. Thanks for passing these along, Drew!

Hey, does anyone know what the mayor of San Francisco's up to?

--M&R report that Gavin has been attending rehab sessions every day this last week -- some as individual sessions with the head of Delancey Street, and some as group sessions, and his community service will take the form of activities he was already doing as mayor. He's dealing with "interpersonal issues, friendship issues, and issues that have been locked up for some time and have had him sabotaging himself." However, political science experts think the whole apology-rehab thing is a bad move: "It's a joke."

--Meanwhile, Gavin opened his reelection campaign office today, to a packed house and upbeat mood. No replacement for Alex Tourk has been named, and Newsom's father said that Gavin's sister has been trying to talk to him about his drinking for some time.

--As requested, here's the clip of Stephen Colbert mocking Gavin Newsom for destroying straight marriages from last Wednesday. You have to watch the ad first, though, sorry.

--While the South Bay donors are by and large okay with Gavin, one VC who knows Alex Tourk has issued a statement that he will not be donating any more money to the Newsom campaign.

--Rumor has it that the Tourks are moving out of the Bay Area.

--There's a webpage just of jokes that Jay Leno's made about Gavin Newsom.

--And William Safire's On Language column today is called "Culpa for Mayor," but it's just about grammatical errors he's made involving the subjunctive tense, and not about mayors taking responsibility for things. Would that it ....!

Valentine's Day is only a few days away, and we here across the Gothamist network wanted to express would like to tell you, in the spirit of the holiday, just how much we love you, our readers. Don't let it get to your heads, though. There are plenty of things we love, you included. Just be glad you're not amongst the things we hate.

In New York, Gothamist isn't sure whether to love or hate a sorta-stroller-ban at a local Barnes & Noble. They do, however, hate the idea of a law that would fine people for crossing the street while listening to their iPod or talking on their phones (people ♥ gadgets!). Who doesn't love ideas for hangover coffee suggestions? They are especially needed after seeing pictures of Rudy Giuliani and his wife mack - it's nice they love each other, but Gothamist doens't think anyone needs to witness it. And Gothamist loves that Orthodox Jews need to incorporate Hebrew graffiti into their billboards so people won't get upset.

SFist saw their beloved mayor enter rehab, and they the opportunity to gossip about it. Of course, that doesn't stop local Facebook users from totally crushing on him. Meanwhile, they asked their readers which MUNI line they hated the most, and got a conclusive answer.

Phillyist loves its local Billy Bob Thornton, and cars. Also on its good side are pretty sunsets over the city. On its hate list right now, though, are law-flaunting smokers, and the hearts-and-flowers holiday itself.

Austinist is blissfully in love with the upcoming SXSW lineup, and more than a few bands playing in it. When not with their musical crushes, they're romancing giant bunnies and bloggers with a good bottle of vino. Of course, it's not all hearts and flowers for Austinist. They hate the lack of quality street food downtown. And, don't you hate it when you find glass in your soda bottles, too?

Shanghaiist positively hates that they're sinking into the ocean. And everyone seems to hate Chinese footballers. But lest you should worry that Shanghaiist is bitter, you should know how much they love sandwiches, technological innovation, and their city's top tourist destinations.

Meanwhile, Londonist doesn't hate anything. They're all about Valentine love for the guy who gives out free iPods, highly-skilled bees, being invited on private tours, their city in Lego, and giant snowmen.

Torontoist wasn't feeling as lovey-dovey as Londonist: they had plenty of hate to go around. Torontoist hates angry jewelry store owners who harass local TV celebrities,
"independent" teenaged girls, and punk kids messing with change on the subway. But they weren't without some love, for its local basketball team (whom they want them taken off notice by Stephen Colbert), and for continuing to solve the Bridezilla mystery, and for cute misspellings.

Bostonist is hating the Celtics' losing streak. But they totally love screwing around with said team's logo and the new hit song 99 luftbaloons 99 Mooninites.

LAist wasn't really about love or hate this week. They were more about the ambivalence, especially toward the Colts' reactions to that Snickers commercial and John Waters. They do, however, know where to send you if you're lookin' for love, yourself.

Seattlest totally loved this pro-breeding story, fist fights of the past and present, and ironic content matching. Of course, they kinda hate Canada (kind of) and the local buildings that everyone else seems to love.

Chicagoist gave its readers some love, and got some love from local TV. And then they got some hate on a somehow-controversial post. The honeymoon, apparently, is over.

Parisist reports that Parisians who love the NFL have options—if they are willing to watch a game that kicks off at midnight, that Parisians who love each other can leave Valentines messages on electronic traffic signs, and that Parisians who love indie bands with awesome dance numbers were able to catch OK Go! live in concert. No hate in Paris, though. It is the City of Love and all...

Compiled and edited by Jillian Ashley Blair Ivey.