Carole Migden's girlfriend (OK then, "wife?" We refuse to use the sterile and patronizing "partner") Cris Arguedas, it seems, now must deal with yet another San Francisco diva: Barry Bonds. According to the Sacto Bee, the letter "h" eschewing lawyer "joined the defense team of baseball star Barry Bonds last week, as the long-time Sam Francisco Giant pleaded not guilty to charges of perjury." Arguedas is now part of a high-profile team that will (probably) get Bonds off the hook. (Because you just know he's not spending a second in the clink. At least not in our lifetime.)

Although, according to the Chronicle:

Arguedas briefly represented former U.S. sprint champion Tim Montgomery, who also testified before the grand jury that investigated BALCO. Montgomery told the grand jury that he had used banned drugs and also testified that he had been told by Victor Conte, BALCO's founder, that Bonds was using drugs from BALCO as well.

Experts said it was possible that a conflict could arise for Arguedas if Montgomery became a government witness against Bonds.

Still, this is quite joyous -- the power couple of the year, perhaps? And between tonight's Milk club endorsement and Arguedas' Bonds trial, this could very well be the first time in history that we've wanted to share a bed with two ladies-who-like-ladies types. If only to hear what they have to discuss.

HBO bought the rights to Game of Shadows: Barry Bonds, BALCO and the Steroids Scandal That Rocked Professional Sport, the infamous book penned by Chronicle reporters Mark Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams. According to a sister over at Variety, in it Bonds is "painted in 'Game of Shadows' as a gifted player who made a Faustian bargain to increase his power." (Might we suggest Damn Giants as a working title, then?)

Ron Shelton -- auteur of such testosterone-enriched films as Bull Durham, Tin Cup, Ty Cobb biopic Cobb, and White Men Can't Jump -- is tapped to direct the film once the WGA strike ends.

We hope that this picture ends up more about the man that is Barry Bonds, not about the heroic reporters who broke the story. We don't want to have to sit through another one of these. And no word yet on who will play Bonds. Any suggestions?

Many, many people want to know just what, pray tell, goes on inside the mind of Barry Bonds. Or maybe just a handful do. Who's to say?

And much like the fog-laced hills of San Francisco, he is a complicated man of mystery. Or perhaps he's just a greedy, self-centered prick. (Deep down, who isn't? And remember, some people strongly defend the guy, like ESPN's Jemele Hill did just today.) Again, who's to say?

But lucky for you, 23/6 has the answers via a thought process flow chart of Bonds' allegedly 'roid-addled mind. Much of it involves Barry's lack of true friends, McGwire jealousy, and shrunken testicles, but we would like to think he's more complex man than that. Anyway, check out the mind of the world's most famous asterisk personified after the jump!

Bonds' attorney issued a statement, calling malfeasance on everyone involved, except his client, and now wants to go after the Justice Department for doing all sorts of bad things to his boy. Bond's flunky, Greg Anderson, was also released from prison, and speculation is that either that the Government doesn't need him anymore. (Or that he finally sang like a bird.)

And just to be clear, the indictment says they have proof Barry was on the juice.

Reaction, of course, abounded. The Giants issued a statement saying it was a very sad day. Bud Selig issued a statement saying it was a very sad day. George Mitchell of the Mitchell investigation issued a statement saying it was a very sad day. Even the President, who as owner of the Texas Rangers had a veritable drug bazaar going on with his team, weighed in to say it was a...very sad day. And somewhere out there, Henry Aaron jumped up and down shouted "take that, bitch." On local message boards, the reaction was everywhere, from a shrug variety to apologist to disgust at everyone and everything. Elsewhere, noticeable glee can be discerned.

The main pro-roids (pro-drug?) point was this: seeing as how athletes already push themselves to physical extremes, shouldn't synthetic enhancers also count? Since it also deals with the body? See who's a lightweight, see who's not? That, ultimately, juiced up athletes is the future of sports, so...why not give in?

Any sports fans care to chime in and educate us non-sport followers?

Dude. Duuuuuuude.

After a four-year federal investigation, today cranky baseball icon Barry Bonds was indicted for perjury and obstruction of justice. Ouch. And Jesus. He's like Pete Rose, but worse. Which? Again, ouch.

According to CBS 5, "[w]hile Bonds was chasing Aaron amid the adulation of San Franciscans and the scorn of baseball fans almost everywhere else, due to his notoriously prickly personality and nagging steroid allegations, a grand jury quietly worked behind closed doors to put the finishing touches on the long-rumored indictment." Prickly is sure putting it mildly.

Or "Barry Bonds Is Home Run King*" -- depending on your opinion of him. And he breaks the record during the fifth inning, "hitting a 3-2 pitch from Washington's Mike Bacsik." Wee.

Congrats, Barry, on #756. In your honor, we present to you this sad little fireworks image! You deserve it. Yay, you!

Read Chon's coverage here, Examiner's here, ABC 7's here, CBS 5's here, KRON 4's here, FOX 2's here, Oakland Tribune's here, and NBC 11's here.

More to come.

"'It's an embarrassment for me to be wearing this (expletive deleted) uniform 'cause of the way I'm playing. There, that's it. Now go away,' Bonds said at his locker" after yesterday's game, just before flipping over a laundry cart and then storming off.

Bravo, Bonds! "Fuck 'em, fuck 'em, fuck 'em," as one punk-rock genius would always say in the wings just before every show.

We know he's disliked by so many, but our love for Bonds just skyrocketed. Temperamental, controversial, slightly infused, and crazy talented is how we like our star athletes. (At least for those of us who can't play/don't watch sports.) Sigh.

-- Whole Foods might be in a whole mess of trouble. Federal regulators look over seven years worth of (not-so) anonymous, ethically-questionable financial site postings made by chief executive John Mackey, who apparently has never heard of an IP address. Dumbass. [AP via SF Gate]

-- Elderly man shoots garbage truck because of the union lockout. But probably more so because of the sundry of shitty smells, senility. [KTVU]

-- Tim Goodman talks about the importance of cable TV; conversely, won’t write the word “fucking” in its entirety. [Chron]

-- Mary Spicuzza won't wear a diaphragm, and with very good reason. [The Snitch]

-- KA-BLAM! Daly City car crashes into a gas station, action movie-style. One person is treated for minor injuries. [ABC 7]

-- And to conclude All-Star Week, pictures from Barry Bonds' la-de-da fête at Roe. Ha! Sports personalities are just so cute when they take a stab at being chic. Aw. [SFBG]

(Our apologies for our unforgivable delay in getting this out.)

If you just looked at the stats and the numbers, which is all the rage these days, Barry is just a 42 year old dude with two bad knees, a .270 batting average, only 77 RBIs who can only play upwards of only around 100 games and can't field very well. Then you add the extracurricular stuff, like the fact he could be indicted at any time or that his best friend is in prison (for now) or most of major league baseball just wants him to go away.

ESPN is also reporting Patrick Arnold, the man credited with developing THG is saying the very same thing about Barry.

You know, we've softened a bit in our No Barry in '07 position. He's hitting the ball well and the A's are having such great success with Frank Thomas that we could see Barry helping the Giants along the same ways as Frank is with the A's. But then this came along.

Image of Barry as the Hulk from the Boston Dirt Dogs