Michael Bauer, the San Francisco Chronicle's esteemed and obfuscated food critic is (like everyone else) totally in to Instagram these days. In this new, occasional feature column, we review Bauer's own photographs according to this ratings scheme we just came up with:

Photos are reviewed for two categories: Food and Photography. Each rated on a scale of zero to four stars. Four stars = a transcendent, life-affirming photograph of a masterfully prepared dish. One star = A blurry photo of something boring. Zero stars = Utter disregard for the established rules of photography and complete contempt for the food pictured. The Overall Score is a weighted average of the other two categories. Category weights are determined according to the whims of the editor and other factors including poorly-executed filters or cheesy frames.